Things Can Turn on a Dime

All I can say is wow....what a harrowing day we had yesterday. Things seemed to be going along fine, that was until they decided to give Pat an asthma inhaler. We found out the hard way that he has an adverse reaction to albuterol. Instead of it opening up his airways, it constricted them and sent him downhill quickly. He could barely breathe, they had to put him on oxygen, doctors and nurses were flying in and out of his room trying to stabilze him, to say I was freaking out would be an understatment. I stepped outside the room so Pat couldn't see me, had a good cry with his doctors, told them in no uncertain terms to NEVER give up on Pat and then splashed cold water on my face and went back in. The doctors agreed that Pat is tough and even dubbed him "the Energizer Bunny". Two hours later the "bad medicine" wore off, they removed him from the oxygen, his breathing returned to normal and my old Pat was back. Of course I knew he was back when he "jokingly" blamed me for his attack because I had made him get up and walk earler in the day. This ride is definitely a "white knuckler" and I look forward to the day when we can get off!!!! Once again please continue to pray for Pat's never ending strength and endurance, and for the wisdom of the doctors to heal him once and for all. All he looks forward to is coming home...I thinks he's earned it. Love and good health to all our friends and family.
Love,
Jules

So Far So Good

We're still here with not much change, which is okay by us. Pat had a chest x-ray today and Dr O' Donnell said it looked better, definitely not worse...good news. I literally am counting minutes until Tuesday, knowing that every minute that passes and Pat stays strong is one minute closer to treatment. I see how fragile people are in this condition and I'm so thankful Pat has the heart and soul of a fighter. I know I've said it a hundred times but faith is such a strong ally, without it I would be lost. The faith that you all have in Pat amazes and comforts us more than you will ever know. The kids are doing well, they have stepped up to the plate in so many ways, I am so proud of them. I have started my own social circle here at City of Hope (I'm sure you are all shocked!), I go out of my way to meet new people and hear all their stories. My newest friend is Claire, her husband also has ALL. They live in Las Vegas and had to move their three teenage kids here and enroll them in school out here. As I have said before there may only be one person lying in the hospital bed but the whole family has the disease. I really helps to have a support group here at the hospital, it can get rather lonely. As we move towards the weekend let's pray for Pat's continued strength and positive outlook....one day or one minute at a time.
Love you guys,
Jules

Another Curveball

Well they just threw us another curveball. Apparently Pat was given a drug last week that needs a 14 day flush before they can start the clinical trial. That puts our start day at next Tuesday at the earliest. You'd think we'd be shocked or upset but surprisingly we both are relatively calm. We realize there is a reason for everything. Maybe this will give Pat's heart a chance to get even stronger or a multitude of positive changes. You truly learn to expect the unexpected and try to remain on an even keel. Believe me I'm not saying it's easy, it is definitely a learned process. I know we are being looked after by much higher powers and special angels. If it's true that patience is a virtue, than I believe Pat has patience to spare. He is my inspiration and everything in life that is real has been exposed behind the door of room 5135. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Love,
Jules

Let's Go Get It!!!!

Okay we're ready and raring to go!!! Tomorrow Pat will start what we pray will be the last round of chemo before his transplant. In preparation he is at this moment chowing on a corn dog and enjoying a Nascar race. Mentally he is pumped up and wants to get on with it, physically he ain't looking too shabby either. He has started to nag me again about how clean my car is and about how things are going at home...Pat is back!!!! It is great to hear on the blog from people who have gone through similar situations, you do so much to keep our hopes strong, thank you. A special thank you to Brady and Chloe, who at this time have to deal with my roller coaster of emotions when I get home at night. Sometimes fatigue and lonliness tend to get a hold on me and they are a soft place to fall. Brock, because he is away at school isn't witness to all my highs and lows, lucky dog!!! Just kidding, I'm sure it's just as difficult to not be in the thick of things. I want to thank all the AHAB employees for keeping the ship upright and for all you prayers and kind words for Pat, I know it means the world to him...you are his home away from home. Family and friends let's get to praying that this is it, that this is the potion that pushes us forward! LET'S GO GET IT!!!!!!! Love and appreciation to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

Marathon Man

Pat has now been patiently and courageously lying in his hospital bed for 9 weeks and I day. So, after the Dr explained that what his body is going through to fight the leukemia is like us running a marathon everyday I nicknamed him "Marathon Man". Thank God that today he is feeling well, eating much better and he's in great spirits. His regular Doctor is gone for 10 days so we have Dr O'Donnell which may be a blessing in disguise since she is one of the leading doctors in the country on ALL. Pat really likes her, and it looks like she moved the start of his treatment up to this Monday...that is great news, he is more than ready to get a move on as you could imagine. His heart is still only working at 42%, which is a direct result of the chemo and the stress his body is under. The cardiologist is working to get it up to 45%, which is where they'd lke it to be for the transplant. Your prayers are most definitely working, thank you so much. Gotta run, Pat is ready to start his laps!! A great day to all of you.
Love,
Jules

What we know today

Okay here's the news for Tuesday. It looks like we will be able to start the clinical trial one week from next Monday...so basically in two weeks. In the meantime the Dr has stumbled across a drug that she may be able to start tomorrow that has showed some promise in ALL patients. She needs to do a little more research to make sure it won't disrupt our ability to enter the clinical trial, more news on that tomorrow. The great news and the answer to our prayers is that we can receive treatment here. Of course we'd go to the moon if we had to, but I really prayed to keep us local. I didn't want to leave our children while we left for who knows how long, it was scary...Chloe needs her mommy!!!(I'm sure she'd beg to differ) More than that, I need my kids, they keep me focused on the prize....a healthy Pat!!! Here's what's on our prayer requests for today, Pat's strength, his heart to continue to get stronger, wisdom for all the Doctors treating Pat, and continued courage and faith for my children and I. Love, Hope and Faith to all our friends and family.
xoxo,
Jules

Waiting Game

Day 59 and we are still waiting. It looks as though the clinical trial will be pushed back a bit due to complications with a patient already in the trial. Pat is looking and feeling better, the pneumonia seems to be improving. We literally are in a race...trying to keep Pat as healthy as possible until they can knock him back down with the next treatment. The concern is that the leukemia will continue to multiply before we can treat him. We are looking into the possibility of receiving treatment at another hospital and returning to City of Hope for the transplant. Dr. Zain said people travel all the time for treatment. Of course, Pat would rather not travel but he realizes we have to do whatever it takes to get him better and back with his family. He is a trooper, I truly don't know how he does it. I asked Pat what he has learned most from this experience and his response was "patience". He really enjoys hearing from all of you on the blogs. It's the highlight of his day. You never realize how much people care for you until times like these. Isn't that sad? I'm as guilty as the next of not letting people know how much they mean to me. I hope that is something I take away from this whole thing, the wisdom to take the time to make sure my friends and family know how much they are loved. I'll start right now!!! You, my dear friends and family have kept us afloat, your genuine concern for Pat is overwhelming. Thank you, thank you. Pray today for the leukemia to lie quietly and wait for us to beat it's butt. For Pat's strength, and for the Doctors to come up with a plan. Enoy your weekend. Much love.
xoxoxo,
Jules

The Battle Continues

Well, unfortunately we've hit another bump in this seemingly never ending road. Pneumonia has reared it's ugly head again. We are waiting for his bronchoscopy results to see what strain of pneumonia it is so they can treat him with the correct antibiotic. We are planning a trip downstairs and to the outside today...yeah!!! I think it will do Pat good to feel the sun on his face and breathe some fresh air, he hasn't been outside in 57 days. Words cannot describe how proud I am of my husband, he refuses to give in to this disease. I am so often asked where do I get my strength from, of course family and friends have been amazing, but Pat is my rock. Every night before I leave I make him look me in the eye and we repeat the same thing,"we will get through this." Faith, faith and more faith.
Brock is in St. Louis for soccer and Brady and Becky have gone along to support him. I'm glad Brady is getting a break, he has been such a pillar of strength. So it's girls weekend for Chloe and I, we'll visit Pat and maybe sneak in a pedicure. I want to apologize to all of you who call and I haven't returned your calls. Please understand all my energy is focused on keeping Pat strong and my children's lives moving in a somewhat "normal" fashion. I'm not ignoring anyone, it's just so hard to repeat the days happenings over and over. That's why this blog is so great, I can reach all of you. To everyone out there praying for us, please pray for Pat to fight off this pneumonia and to stay mentally strong. We are so grateful to have such a circle of faith, hope and love around us. Until next time...love and good health to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

I'm Baaaack!

Well the big boss is back in town. I truly enjoyed my weekend in New Mexico with Chloe. It was just the shot in the arm I needed to get through the next few weeks. LMU went 1-1, but they beat New Mexico which was huge because they are highly ranked. Brock didn't play as much as he would have liked, but he realizes he's the "new kid on the block" and has to pay his dues. I really missed Pat, but I knew he was in great hands. Thanks to all his visitors, I really appreciate it and I know Pat was probably glad not to have me nagging him.Things seem to be okay right now. Pat has developed a little cough. The Dr. believes it's because he's using his lungs more and the cough is a result of them expanding. They did a chest cat scan today so we'll probably hear more tomorrow. My prayers continue to be for strength to get to the clinical trial. Keeping Pat strong is so important. The days seem to last forever for me, I can only imagine how never-ending they are for him. Pat's watching Monday Night Football right now and resting after his daily work-outs. Your on going prayers are so helpful, please pray for Pat to get over this cough and to have a relatively smooth 11 more days until his next treatment. Love and appreciation to all who have touched our lives and keep us in their thoughts.
xoxo,
Jules

Sister Day!

Today Pat gets the company of his 3 beautiful sisters! Jules you will be very happy to hear that your husband completed 3 laps around floor number 5 and he worked out with the physical therapist. What a day! He looks great and we are having a great time chatting and sipping our Coors Light. He only had one sip Jules...hope that's okay! We are putting the straws under our face masks! (haha) All jokes aside...everything is great in room 5135. Pat says Hello to everyone and good luck to Brock in New Mexico! GO LMU!!!

Love,
Cindy, Sandy, and Maribeth

Staying Strong

Hi to all our wonderful friends and family. Glad you all enjoyed Pat's new picture...a special thanks to the Meany's for that cool hat. Things are actually pretty mellow right now. We are just "patiently" waiting to begin the clinical trial. They are treating Pat with IV antibiotics to make sure he stays infection free, and every couple days he gets blood and platelet transfusions. He works out 2 times a day with the physical therapist and takes 2 laps each day around the unit. Boredom has definitely set in, but sometimes no news is good news. Chloe and I will be flying to New Mexico in the morning to watch Brock play soccer. Brady and Pat's family will be holding down the fort. They'd better not let him slide on his walking, or there will be trouble when I get back! My faith grows stronger everyday that we will dig ourselves out of this. Faith is a wonderful thing. Keep on praying and blogging....you all are our lifeline. Have a great weekend and remember "there is always hope."
Love,
Jules

The Journey Continues

Hope everyone had a great and relaxing labor day weekend. Pat is hanging tough, feeling stronger everyday. Once the chemo leaves his system he is a different person. That chemo is some nasty stuff, it has no mercy, but you gotta do it. I just drove through the gates of our neighborhood for the 48th straight night without my husband. I miss him like crazy. Cancer is taking it's toll on all of us. Pat lies in the bed and fights it with every ounce of his being. At 99 Fairlane we fight it with all we can muster. Some days are just tougher than others. The love and support we get from family and friends is our safety net. Without it I can't imagine where we would be. The little things mean so much to me these days. Chloe holding my hand every morning when I pick up the phone at exactly 8 am to call Pat and see how his night was. All my children are showing so much concern not only for Pat but for my well being. They refuse to leave me at home alone not even for an hour. I am blessed with so much love.....thank you to everyone. We will beat this disease and be that much stronger after the battle. Cancer came knocking on the wrong door.
Love and good health to you all.
xoxoxo,
Jules

The Plan

Okay here's the plan. Dr. Zain has decided not to repeat the last chemo, but to instead place Pat in a clinical trial. Please try not to be alarmed by the term "clinical trial". Every treatment ever used was at one time a clinical trial. We are fortunate that they are in the last phases of this trial, meaning they are to the point where they are seeing results without toxicity. The trial won't begin for 3 weeks, so if Pat can get some heart strength back and cut back on his antibotics he may be able to go home for a few days. At first he wasn't to sure about going home, but now he is very motivated. I believe it may give him that little extra mental push he needs to get through this next "adventure". I know his dogs will be thrilled to see him. They like me, but they worship Pat. Tomorrow is Brock's first soccer game at LMU, I am looking forward to an afternoon of enjoying soccer. Pat will be able to follow the game on his computer. Again, your continued prayers for Pat's recovery are priceless. If you have a moment and are cruising your computer, check out the website www.cureemily.com. Longtime and dear family friends have a precious granddaughter with a very serious condition. The website is so inspiring and uplifting, the world truly is filled with wonderful and caring people. Have a great day and here's to brighter days ahead!!!
Love,
Jules

Ouch

When I said "can they throw us a frickin' bone", I didn't mean hit us in the gut with it. Unfortunately we didn't get great news yesterday. Pat's leukemia is still hanging around. He will have to start another round of chemo on Friday.....he's thrilled. According to his Dr. this chemo needs more than one round to be effective. He also needs to work on building his heart strength back up. Chemo quite often causes some heart damage. He is on meds to remedy this situation and hopefully it will clear up quickly. Our goal now is to keep him positive, get him up and moving out of bed and to try and get him to eat a bit. I have faith and an inner peace that tells me we will conquer this, but the road will be long...very long. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Life continues on, Chloe will be starting school on Tuesday and works at The Golden Spoon, Brock is loving college life and soccer at LMU and Brady is working at the shop and attending Cal State Fullerton. Our kids are our rock, we are so very proud of what great people they have turned out to be. Keep us in your prayers, have faith they will be answered. You are all so important in Pat's recovery, you don't even know what comfort you bring to us. Have a blessed day and be thankful for all you have.
Love,
Jules

Another Day....

I'm baaaack! Sorry it's been a while since my last blog. Our weekend was a bit challenging though. Pat bought himself a ticket to the ICU when his heart rate went up to 200 beats per minute. He has what is called a atrial flutter...why not? we haven't had that yet, bring it on. It was caused by some breathing treatments he was receiving. Of course like always, when faced with a challenge he takes it on and battles through it. They think he'll be move out of ICU sometime tomorrow. Thank goodness, watching a heart monitor for hours at a time was almost enough to put me on a heart monitor. Not to mention that he also has hives and can't stop itching. No news on his remission, hopefully tomorrow. Even after all this he still looks great, and is so ready to get on with the transplant. I pray so much for him to receive a bit of good news...he's earned it. Your blogs are so amazing and inspiring, thank you from the bottom of my heart. We have prayers coming from all over the country...people we've never met have embraced our family, that's our silver lining. I know when we are through this tunnel that we will be of comfort to another family as you have all been to us. Good night and God Bless you all, may tomorrow bring us welcome news. Or in my mom's sake "pleasant news". (inside joke)
Love,
Jules

Hanging In There

Well another day and Pat continues to battle on. He seems to be feeling a little better everyday. The nausea is not as often or severe and he is able to eat a little bit here and there. The plan as of right now is to do a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow to see if there has been any response. We should know by Monday or Tuesday. Our ultimate prayer is for full remission, but any response would be welcome. As I have been putting it, "throw us a frickin' bone!" Pat would love some good news to keep his spirits up and his fight strong. All your comments are so fun and uplifting to read. Mason you are so right, Brady does deserve a big kiss, I'll give hm one when he gets home!!!! All our children are inspired by Pat's courage and positive attitude....and I by theirs. A shout out to my sisters for doing what sisters do...listening to me when I need to vent and when I need to cry. I have made a friend here at the hospital. Her son is 19 and waiting for his 2nd transplant. She is such a gift to me because no one, no matter how much they want to, can understand this journey unless they've been in the center of it. I know I need not ask for your prayers and well wishes but I will. Please pray for remission and brighter days ahead for my best friend and husband,your dad, your uncle, your brother, your son, your son-in-law, your brother in-law, your friend and last but not least the father of my children. We are so blessed to have such a strong circle of support around us....love to you all.
Love,
Julie

A Better Day

What a difference a day makes. Pat is feeling much better today. He was able to eat breakfast and read all his new blogs on the website. And..just when I didn't know if I could face another long day of watching helplessly as Pat continues this fight..you all came to my rescue. I read our blogs and balled like a baby. Mom and Dad, you always have been there for me, and of course now is no different.Pat's family has been such a source of strength. What a blessing it is to have so many people rooting on Pat as well as the kids and I. To all of the employees at AHAB, you are amazing, not many people love their boss the way you love Pat. Please believe me when I say he is truly touched. Right now all we can do is wait and pray. Pray for no more leukemia cells!!!! Thank you doesn't seem adequate, but it's all I have. Have a blessed day.
Love,
Julie

Rough Patch

We've hit a bit of a rough patch the last couple of days. The chemo treatment has made Pat very sick to his stomach. The nurses are doing everything they can to keep him as comfortable as possible, which basically means knocking him out...whatever works. The good news is the treatment is over. Now the long agonizing wait to see if it has done it's job. I hope and pray with every ounce of my being that he his in remission. It sure was great to have Brady do a "guest blog", it's therapeutic to be able to put our feelings to words. Our emotions are on such a rollercoaster...sadness, anger , fear of what we know and fear of the unknown. It would be easy to say why us? but why should it be anyone? No one deserves this. Not Pat, not the 20 something young man across the hall, not the mother whos children school age children sit outside her room and play on the computer to pass the hours. But we all have it and we will deal with it and we will kick it's butt! Thank you for your continued prayers...remission, strength and courage are on our wish list today. I read today, "there would be no majestic mountains without deep valleys", isn't that the truth?
Love,
Julie

One more day...

For a nice change of pace from Jules' award winning writing, I, Brady Smith, am here to fill you in on the happenings in room 5217. We have now completed day four of this five day chemo treatment, and can't help but feel positive that this is pushing my dad closer to a remission. Over the past couple of days he has felt great, and it has been a nice relief to see him enjoy some food and the company of friends and family. We all know that this is a long road that we must travel with him, and we must take each day one at a time. Nobody knows this more than him, and each day is one step closer to remission, and one step closer to the bone marrow transplant. I wish people could see how hard he is fighting this thing without even the smallest of complaints. I am blown away by the courage that he is equipped with and know that even if we hit a couple more speed bumps along the way, he will just blow right over them as if he were driving in the big green machine sports mobile. This man is fighting just go get out of this hospital room so he can get back to doing things that all of us see as so ordinary and mundane. It really puts everything into perspective. All I know is I cannot wait until he kicks this disease and we can continue to enjoy life with all of our family and friends. There is no doubt in my mind that we will get there, we just have to take it one day at a time. Thank you all for your get well cards and messages that you have been leaving on this site. He looks forward to reading them everyday. Most of all, thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts, we can see and feel them working, so keep it up!!

God Bless,
Brady Patrick Smith

Day Three

Pat has just finished day 3 of this round and he's doing great. Right now he's enjoying a turkey sandwich from home and watching the Angel game. If there were not tests to say otherwise you couldn't convince me that this man is battling a serious disease. His strength and perseverance is unstoppable and so inspiring. Last week he was unable to make it from his to bed to the restroom and today he has done 2 laps around his unit, and just informed me he wants to walk some more. The power of prayer, love and the human spirit is immeasurable and we have all of you to thank. Heroes don't just hit home runs and make blockbuster movies.....they walk these halls and the halls of every hospital. Doctors, nurses, family members and most of all the patients who know all to well how precious life truly is. Pray for Pat's continued recovery and remission and treasure your own good health.
Love,
Julie