Happy Holidays To All

I would like to take the oppurtunity to wish our family and friends a happy and healthy holiday. I would also like to thank you all for being such a big part of our journey. There are still some days I can't believe that Pat is gone. There are some moments when I literally can't breathe because I miss him so much. The night time seems to be the hardest. Every night when I walk the dogs, (Pat's nightly ritual) I stare up at the sky and hope that he can see us. That is when I talk to Pat the most, letting him know how much he is truly missed. Our children are doing well, taking such good care of me and of each other. Pat is part of our daily conversations, lots of laughter and of course tears. I will be signing off, making this my last blog. The timing seems to be good, a new year, many things to be thankful for, many things to look forward to. As I say so long for now, please know we never could have made it without all of your love and support. Thank you for giving me an outlet, thank you for your genuine love and prayers for Pat, myself and our kids. As you enter 2008, do so with the knowledge that your life can turn on a dime, there are no guarantees, live your life with passion, love with all you've got, and never,never hesitate to let someone know how much they mean to you! Please keep Dave's sister Marianne in your prayers as she begins her battle with the "C" beast. Remember I'm just a phone call or an email away, you can't get rid of me that easy! A big hug from our family to yours. God bless you.
xoxo,
Jules

Life Does Go On

Today, Pat and I's "baby" turned 22! I have no idea how that happened because I can still remember being 22, in fact I was having a baby at 22. Time certainly does fly, it most certainly does not stand still. As we try to do "normal" things, I look around me and realize life does go on. People are Christmas shopping, getting ready for finals, planning holiday gatherings....not just any people...us. I am at times amazed at the power of the human spirit to carry on. When I used to hear of this happening to "other" people, I figured their lives must be over, asking myself how could they go on? The answer is, you just do it. Our strength is rooted in our love and respect for Pat, our ever attentive family, and the kindness of friends. One such awesome friend is our neighbor Regina. She is part owner of the Daniel Michael Salon in San Juan Capistrano. She and her partner are hosting "Haircuts for Hope", on Monday December 10th from 10:00am-5:00pm. Every single penny is being donated directly to the City of Hope. The cost is a $50.00 donation for a haircut and $35.00 for a Kerastase treatment with a blowdry. It's a great chance to get spruced up for the holidays and donate to a great cause. If anyone is interested please call for an appointment 949-489-3201. A huge thank you to Regina and the Daniel Michael Salon. So Brady's birthday was nice, relaxing and of course bittersweet. But we did enjoy the company, some great food and a few laughs. I think at this point, I'd have to say that's pretty darn good. Love you guys, good night.
xoxo,
Jules

A Beautiful Day

Last night about 10:00pm I took our dogs for a walk and couldn't help but notice how clear the sky was and how brightly the stars were shining. That's when I knew today would be a beautiful day, clear, crisp, the kind of day Pat would love to spend down at the beach. At ten o'clock this morning we all hopped aboard "The White Light" in Newport and headed out to scattter Pat's ashes. God gave us an absolutely beautiful day on which to celebrate Pat's life and loves. The ceremony was so peaceful and in true Pat style. Captain Bob led the service and kept it short, another thing Pat would appreciate. I spoke briefly about how much I miss Pat's voice and his touch and that I didn't realize how much I truly and deeply loved this man. If you take nothing else from our experience, please take this...take nothing for granted, don't hesitate to tell someone you love them, live in the moment and find joy in the moment. After the service we all gathered at the Claim Jumper (Pat's favorite) and talked about old times and the times to come. We made plans for our future and we did so with a renewed appreciation for life. We have truly been given a gift, thank you Pat for making us realize how precious and short our time here is. We will live with you in our hearts every moment of every day. A special thank you to Kim for handling things I couldn't even begin to handle, those Smith Boys are something aren't they? We are the luckiest girls in the world. To everyone who shared this special day, the kids and I are forever grateful. Keep us in your prayers as we will all of you. So....live it up people, hug your kids, call your parents and grandparents, do something nice for someone just because...PAY IT FORWARD!!!!!! We love you all.
XOXO,
Jules

Long Days

Hi everyone. Thank you to all who read Brock's tribute and commented, it means so much to share this journey with loved ones. The kids and I have all noticed that the days seem to be so long. We are all so exhausted, yet sleep does not come easy. I am having a really hard time getting those last 4 days out of my head. I realize it will take time, lots of time. Staying busy seems to help, but then all of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks. I just can't believe that I'm not sitting next to Pat's hospital bed watching the Food Network and Dr. Phil, who by the way he did not like, he said they yelled too much on that show. He did however like Rachel Ray and Tyler Florence for all you foodies out there! I keep asking myself did I do everything I could, did I tell him everything I wanted him to know. Questions I'm sure that will never be fully answered. I do know one thing, I didn't know missing someone could hurt this much. I am never alone, but I am lonely. So many times I long to call Pat's cell(one of my favorite past times), just to say hi or share a silly story. He would always listen, I'm not sure he always heard, because we all know how much Pat loved talking on the phone...haha. As we struggle each day to keep on going, we ask the same question over and over.."what would Dad want us to do?" So, we don't lie around...we go to school, work, the dog park, the gym, yes even the casino...because life does go on and "it is what it is." The kids and I have made it very clear that we will honor Pat everyday by living everyday and remembering his giving spirit. We will try our best to speak kinder, be more forgiving and look for that "silver lining." Believe me this is not easy and we will stumble and we will fall, but we will pick ourselves up and give it another go, because that's what Dad/Pat would want us to do. Talk to you soon. Love and good health.
xoxo,
Jules

A Different Life

Things have started to settle down just a bit. Brady said it perfectly the morning after Pat died, "we woke up this morning to a completely different life." We are all doing our best to put one foot in front of the other. We speak about Pat in all our conversations, he is missed so much. I can't believe that I will never touch him again on earth, the thought of that sometimes overwhelms me. Our Thanksgiving was nice, quiet and relaxing. Crazy Chloe woke me up at 5:30 am to go shopping at Wal-Mart this morning, we had a blast. Her and her boyfriend Joey put up our Christmas lights today, she was adamant about getting that done ASAP. We still have many tough days ahead of us, I have no doubt we'll make it with the love and support of all our family and friends.
Pat's service was so amazingly wonderful. We were so touched by the turnout, the kind and thoughtful words spoken, and the feeling of love and warmth that surrounded us. What a wonderful spirit he possessed, I love him even more than ever! To everyone who had any hand in helping put his "Celebration" together...all our love and thanks, it was perfect. I am so sorry about the PA system. I didn't realize that people weren't able to hear all the beautiful tributes. Brock has agreed to let me post his speech here on the website. I was so proud of how eloquently he spoke that I really wanted to share it with as many of you as possible. Brady worked tirelessly on the video and it was pefect. Chloe put together the service, chose the music and the verses...Great job!! Pat keeps on pushing us forward, thanks honey! We love you all, thank you for the food, the flowers, the charitable donations, and all your heartfelt cards. I don't know how long I'll keep blogging because this is all new to me. I don't think I realize yet just how lonely I am going to feel. I do know that my heart aches and my hands long to squeeze Pat's hand one last time. But my dad told me it could be one more time, it could be 1000 more times and it will still never be enough. Father does know best. Love and prayers to you all. (Brock's tribute below, enjoy.)
xoxo,
Jules

Hello everybody, I know most of you know who I am but for those who don’t I am Brock Smith and I am very much honored to say that I am Pats son. First off I wanted to thank everybody for coming here today, We do not want to feel like we are here to mourn my dads passing but rather we are here to celebrate his life because I know that is what he would want. The last thing he would ever ask from us is for our pity or grief towards him but I know he would want us to remember all of the good times and many laughs that we were so blessed to be able to share with him. As we know My dad never wanted to be the center of attention, it was never about him because he was so selfless in every aspect of his life that I think it is only deserving that we do have this day to remember the man who touched all of our lives so deeply. Whether it was directly or indirectly my dad has left a lasting impression on all of us that I know we will never forget. The amazing thing about that to me is how big of an impact he was able to make on all of our lives with saying so little. The Pat that we all know was not a man of many words or never very outspoken or the center of attention but that’s what was so amazing about him. He did not have to say anything for us to know what he meant because he made it so apparent through his actions. He did not need to tell me that he loved me all the time, I knew he loved me with all of his heart and that was good enough for me. The saying actions speak louder than words, has never been more true than in his case. He just had the ability to put a smile on anybodies face at any given moment. He loved nothing more in life than our family and worked so hard to make sure that he could give us the best life that he possibly could and wanted nothing more than for us to be happy. As much as he loved his family he loved his friends just as much as you all know and would do anything for anybody without thinking twice. Even in his last few days with us here, all he wanted for us to know is that he is fine. That’s all he wanted us to hear is that he is fine and not to worry about him. No matter how hard he had to fight or how difficult life was for him he never wanted us to worry about him. Even up through his last spoken words he refused to believe that this could be the end. In his mind he knew not matter what card he was dealt he was going to keep fighting and he was not going to give up. Giving up for him was never an option and he lived true to that until the very end, he never gave up because he had everything to live for. My dad fought everyday just so he could see the next day and spend that extra time with the people he loved. Another thing that I will never forget about my dad is that he was a man of his word. If he told you something or made a promise to you he would do whatever it took to live up to his word. Earlier this year when I had moved away to college and had started playing soccer I received a card from my family which he wrote in. He told me that he will make it to a soccer game this year, there was no doubt in his mind. As the games went by and he remained unable to attend, he finally got his chance to possibly make it to a game and he did. He was able to see me do what I love one last time and I will never forget that day since it turned out to be the last moment I was able to share with my dad outside of a hospital since he was back there the next day. Another memory I ill never forget came less than a week ago when I was at the hospital on one of my dads last days. I just wanted to stay up with him all night and just let him know that I was there with him. As the night rolled on and sleep had finally caught up to me I had a very short moment where I was no longer fully awake but I was not asleep either. I found myself walking towards my dad who was standing outside so I obviously had to ask him what he was doing. He then pointed in the distance towards the biggest mountain I had ever seen, I mean this thing went straight up into the sky and I could not even come close to seeing the top. As he was pointing he told me that he was going to climb that mountain. Not wanting him to go alone I of course asked if I could go with him and he told me simply that I am not ready. This still was not making sense to me so I had to ask him why he wanted to climb this mountain and he told me because there are people waiting for him at the top. I still felt so bad and lost and asked him why he was having such a hard time breathing, and in his simple Pat Smith way he told me not to worry it was just the altitude that was causing it, nothing else. He then packed his backpack and that was it. I was back awake no more than a minute later and it had all made sense to me. This was his climb to heaven to go see his mom who was waiting for him at the top. And the amazing thing is he managed this climb in sandals, shorts, and a tee shirt, classic Pat Smith right there. Less than a day after he started his climb he finally made it to the end of his journey and is now resting comfortably in heaven, still surrounded by people he loves and he will continue to watch over us until that one day when he is waiting for us at the top of that mountain. Situations like this really make me question why things have to happen the way they do, why did it choose such a selfless, kind, loving man? Why do things sometimes seem to be so unfair? Why was a man so full of life taken away from us long before his time? I myself have not been able to start to answer these questions for I simply do not know, yet one thing that I have been able to get from this is that life is a very fragile thing and many of us including myself have taken it for granted at some point in our life. There should be no reason as to why we should not live every single day like it is our last and take nothing we have been given for granted because we never know what is in store for us next My dad will be truly missed by each and every one of us and there will not be a day that goes by that I do not think of the man who made me into the person I am today. My dad was truly one of a kind. He will never be forgotten because he is still very much alive within every one of us and memories are something that will never die nor be taken away from us. My dad will always remain the biggest inspiration in my life and he will always be my hero. Thank you.

-Brock Smith

A Celebration Of Life

Thank you all for waiting so patiently while we try our hardest to plan the best way to celebrate Pat's life. I think we've finally got everything nailed down, here are the plans:

Wednesday, November 21st @ 4:00 pm "Celebration of Life"
JSerra Catholic High School Gymnasium
26351 Junipero Serra Rd San Juan Capistrano, Ca 92675
(949)493-9307
Reception immediately following with Pat's favorite....mexican food.

As we all know, Pat loved to dress casual, a pair of jeans and a button down shirt were his favorite. Of course, you are welcome to dress in whatever you feel is appropriate, we just ask for not a lot of black.

In lieu of flowers, we have each chosen a charity if you wish to donate in Pat's memory.

Julie: City of Hope https://cityofhope.org/donate/main/homepage.aspx

Brady: The V Foundation http://www.jimmyv.org/donate/donations/

Brock: ASPCA http://www.aspca.org/site/pageserver?pagename=donate_home

Chloe: Urban Promise http://upusa.servicenetwork.com/donate.asp

If anyone feels that they would like to speak, we welcome anyone to do so. We are all so comforted by wonderful stories of Pat.

A special thank you to everyone who is helping us pull this all together.
My family, Pat's family and a special thank you to Carlos and Jessica Garcia at JSerra for being there for us.

My heart hurts a little more each minute as I face the reality that Pat won't be walking through the door. I miss him like crazy. I pray that Pat continues to hold me up just as he has done through his entire illness. I pray that God is holding Pat so very close and sending much needed strength to us in pain on Earth. Much love and thanks to all who hold us dear. God Bless you.
xoxo,
Jules

Our Angel

At 10:45 p.m. our hero, our inspiration, our tireless fighter became our forever angel. Words cannot now or ever describe how hard Pat fought, he refused to give in. I am so proud and honored to call him my husband and the father of our children. To all the friends and family who have supported us, especially over the past 4 days, our sincere thanks. To my parents, thank you for all your loving support. To Pat's family, your support is so appreciated. Robert, you especially were such a source of strength for me, our kids, and most importantly your brother. Chloe wants me to tell you that when you hug her, you remind her of Pat. My sisters Dayna and April, thanks for the "slumber" parties at the hospital, your love for me and all your loving and tender words to Pat. Teri S., Marcia, and Terri H., all I can say is wow!! As you saw the past 4 months our house had fallen apart, thank you for putting it back together. To all our friends who have been praying and blogging you are awesome. The gifts at our doorstep are also so appreciated. To the three most amazing children, I have never seen such strength. The way in which you tenderly spoke to Dad, letting him know how much he meant to you, gave him such peace. And last but not least to the most humble, kind, sincere and loving man I know, my husband, my best friend, thank you for 22 1/2 years of highs and lows, laughter and tears, but always, always, love. The vow "til death do us part", just isnt't so, because we have not parted our hearts will just now be stretched from heaven to earth. Please pray that Pat can now be free from pain and truly is "fine." For myself and the kids please pray that the aching and emptiness in our heart will fade and be filled with joyful memories. Good night.
xoxo,
Jules

My Hero

To all our loving friends and family, I have news I hoped to never have to share. We all met with Pat's medical team today and they have said he is now terminal. The leukemia has spread to his brain they believe and there are no more treatments. Their goal now is to keep him completely comfortable. He is on a morphine pump and not really very coherent. I am so proud of the fight he put up, this is not how he had expected it to end. I truly thought he'd win this battle, there has never been a mightier warrior than he. This morning he kept telling the nurses to tell me he's fine....so like Pat to be worrying about me. Please pray for his comfort and peace, and for our children's strength. You have all been so amazing, my heartfelt thanks.
God Bless.
xoxo,
Jules

Mondays stink!

What is it about Mondays? They just never seem to be great days. I really wish I didn't have to write this blog today, but I know how much everyone wants to know about Pat's status. Well to be totally blunt, right now it sucks! Pat's white cells shotback uo to 40,000. A normal count is about 5,000. His leukemia blasts have not budged. Not only did this chemo not work, but I believe it has caused some weakness in his hands. It is hard for him to hold anything for longer than a few seconds without dropping it. I looked the side effects of this chemo up online and muscle weakness and loss of coordination does sometimes occur. Our backs are up against the wall. We have one more shot at trying to get these leukemia blasts down. I believe they are going to try a chemo that has put Pat in remission before with the hopes that it will get his blasts down to at least 50%. I asked Pat straight out today if he just wants to stop and come home...his answer was an absolute no! He's in it to win it! Today my heart is aching, every now and then my minds wanders and I get so afraid of what the future holds for us. I got an email today that said God won't lead us to it if he can't pull us through it. I've got to believe that. I fall asleep praying, I pray in the car, I pray at the hospital, I never stop. We need his muscle strength back, his blasts gone and his continued inner strength, please pray for all those things. Here's to a better tomorrow.
xoxo,
Jules

Blessings

After the roller coaster week we've had, I decided to take a few moments and take stock of all the positive things that have happened since we bgan this "adventure".

1. Reconnection with old friends and family we haven't spoken to in years, praying for us.
2. Countless new friends who have tirelessly prayed for us.
3. The friends and family who we speak to every day that never stop praying.
4. 60 new people added to the National Bone Marrow Registry...awesome!
5. Finding out what great cooks Brady and Chloe are. (I'm sure Brock can cook too, I'll have to ask his dorm mates!)
6. Becky (Brady's girlfriend) cutting off her long beautiful hair and donating it for cancer patient wigs.
7. Knowing that people are more than willing to help all you have to do is ask.
8. The response for platelet donations has been amazing.
9. Knowing your children are strong, caring and resilient is one thing, witnessing it is another.
10. Watching someone you love so deeply, fight so hard, reaffirms your belief in the power of the human spirit.
11. Knowing that through the power of prayer, our faith and God's promise to protect us, there is light at the end of this tunnel.

I could go on all day, because the gifts of love from all of you are never ending.
Pat is staying strong in usual Pat style. His mouth sore is still bothering him and the chemo has made him pretty tired. But I must say that for all he's been through he looks pretty darn good! Let's all pray for those leukemia blasts to get outta here so we can head up to the 6th floor (Bone Marrow transplant floor). Wouldn't that be the best holiday gift you could imagine? When I was walking the dogs today I saw and ad on the bus stop bench for a movie and the catch phrase was,
"you've got to believe it to see it." I think that's my new mantra. Love and a relaxing weekend to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

Some Good News

Wow, I guess good news really does travel fast! It is true, we got great news today. The Dr. came in this morning and told Pat his heart has improved to 53%. They were hoping for at least 45%, I tell you that Pat has always been such an over achiever!! Dr. Zain said call your wife right now, she said this is huge, the best news we've had in 4 months. I personally have not spoken to the Dr. but Pat said she told him the medicine is working. Exactly which medicine I'm not sure, but I'm so thankful for any and all positive news. Prayer, good friends, strong family and my super amazing Pat have again proven to be hard at work. I am overcome by the unbelievable outpouring of genuine love and concern for Pat, myself and the kids. Every day we are reminded when Pat receives his platelets by the yellow tag that hangs on the bag that reads "designated donor", how fortunate we are. Thank you to everyone who has donated, the AHAB employees just keep on donating, you are awesome!!! If you get a chance, check out the website www.chasecq.com. A friend of Ryan B.'s received his new cells 81 days ago. It his second bout with cancer. He is such an inspiration, and his mother writes with such true and genuine emotion. Today I will breath a little deeper and let my heart swell just a bit with the joy I heard in Pat's voice this morning. We've jumped one hurdle, now let's continue with our prayers for lower leukemia blasts, the sores in Pat's mouth to heal and of course for his never ending strength. I saw a man at the hospital with a shirt that read "Prayer Changes Things". I couldn't agree more. Let's go team!!!
xoxo,
Jules

Pray for Pat's Strength

I feel like I know you all so well and that I can be totally open and honest with you, so here goes. Today was one of our tougher days. The Doctor informed us that the clinical trial will not be open for at least 3 weeks. She has decided to try another chemo that is actually for brain tumors but has shown some effectiveness in leukemia. If we see no improvement from that she will try a chemo that has worked on Pat in the past. If that doesn't work, the trial should be opened up by then. Her goal is to get at least a 50% reduction in Pat's leukemia blasts and his heart working at least 45% capacity, and she will take him to transplant. After she explained all this she said that possibly down the road Pat may need to decide how long and how aggressively he wanted to be treated. That's where it gets really tough. Pat heard nothing else in the coversation other than that he thinks she said he has two months to live. I assure you she did not say that, but I totally understand his fear. No one wants to face the fact that they are mortal, especially not at 46 years old. She explained that he is actually quite healthy, that no other organ has been affected, and that he is very strong. She made it very clear that they are not giving up. I have never seen such fear in a persons face, my heart was breaking for him. I believe in this man. I believe he needed to hear this so he can be sad for a bit and then get mad as hell and fight back. So....let's pray that Pat becomes even stronger, that his heart has become stronger and that some medication, I don't care which one, knocks out this damn leukemia!!! Enough is enough, now I'm pissed off, and you don't want to mess with me!! The road we are being led down is long and oh so bumpy, I sure look forward to some smooth highway soon. Pray, Pray, Pray.
With lots of love and sincere thanks.
xoxo,
Jules

Calling All Prayers

Okay my loyal and persistent prayer warriors...it's time to bombard The Man Upstairs. The Dr. is getting all her ducks in a row so we can hopefully begin treatment tomorrow. We need to start treatment ASAP. We need to turn a corner. The leukemia is starting to creep up on Pat, and we will be having none of that. He's bruising much more and he has nasty mouth sores. Please pray that this treatment is the magic bullet we've been waiting for. Pat could sure use some good news, as could the kids and I. I realize it's all in God's time and completely in his hands. With myself being such a control freak, ( yes, I can admit it!)not being able to fix this situation is very difficult....but I'm learning, slowly. Your blogs as usual have been so touching, a special thank you to Blake for being such a loyal and awesome blogger. It's going to take an army to beat this enemy, lucky for us we have the strongest bunch of soldiers behind us. My most heartfelt and sincere thanks to you all. Now let's all get to praying!!! Good night and good health.
xoxo,
Jules

That was Quick

I was putting off writing this blog because I just couldn't muster the strength and I was struggling with what to write. That was until I read our latest blogs. You all once again have lifted me up and given me not just the ability but the desire to keep on going. Pat was barely home 12 hours before he got a fever and sent us right back to City of Hope. Of course he told me our thermometor was broken and he was fine. Not so. He is now back in his old stomping grounds and barely speaking to me. But that's okay, because I know he's where he belongs and that he is safe. The last medication has not made a dent in his leukemia. I told him today we need to attack it like we just got the diagnosis...head on. We are back at square one, but we are still here. That is what we need to focus on, we will never give up. Please pray for Pat's leukemia blasts to lower, for his infection to subside and for his courage and strength. I look forward to the day when we are "whole" again. I feel like someone has cut off my right arm, but I'm still swinging with my left. You all are our angels and our safety net.....thanks for being there. Much love and blessings.
xoxo,
Jules

Back Home

Well they sent Pat packing for what we hope is at least a week until his next stay. He's happy to be back in his own bed and not to be eating hospital food! I hope and pray he has a quiet and "uneventful" weekend and is able to build up his strength and stamina. I of course will be Nurse Ratchett and make sure he takes all his meds, walks and does his breather. We are still praying with all our might that Pat is able to start the new clinical trial ASAP. I know you are all praying right along side us....please add an extra little prayer for Pat's heart to gain some strength. In order to receive the transplant his heart needs to be functioning at at least 45%, his last echo showed it to be at 42%. Let's get all our ducks in a row so when the time comes for transplant NOTHING can stop us!!!! Thank you so much for including Marianne in your prayers, she was already headed back home today. We wish her all the best as she battles the beast. Hope you all have a relaxing weekend. Much love and sincere thanks.
xoxo,
Jules

You Guys are Great!!!

I guess it was pretty obvious by my last couple of blogs that I had hit a rough spot. I was just feeling so helpless, frustrated and overwhelmed..not to mention so lonely without Pat at home. I prayed for God just to carry me for a short while, because I really was stumbling. And guess what...I'm back. Thanks to God and all our wonderful friends and family. Just reading all the blogs and e-mails we receive, I can't help but perk right back up. You people don't realize how strong you keep us. The prayers, the well wishes, the gifts at my doorstep, and the people closest to me that allow me an occassional breakdown.....thank you, thank you. Pat of course barely batted an eye, he just keeps on keeping on. He is the true "Rock". The Dr. is now trying to switch him to a different trial, of course waiting on paperwork. His infection has subsided, his white count is coming back down and he is ready to fight on. Let's pray that this medication will start soon and get us to transplant. One of the gifts of this website is our ability to reach so many people. Tomorrow, Dave B.'s sister, Marianne will be undergoing surgery for breast cancer. Please include her and her doctors in your prayers. She is such a strong person and so positive, I have all the faith in her complete recovery. Thanks again to all of you, count your blessings and continue to "pay it forward." (thanks, Teri.)
xoxo,
Jules

Another Monday

Happy Monday to all our loyal bloggers. I wish I had great news to deliver, but so far Pat's counts have not shown any response to this treatment. To say we are frustrated would be an understatement. Maybe it just needs more time or a stronger dose, I really don't know. I'm sure the Dr's are just as frustrated. Pat is such a great patient, the nurses all love him, he is so easy to take care of. I received St Theresa's prayer today...perfect timing. I am right where I should be, doing exactly what I am supposed to, waiting faithfully. I will take a deep breath and pray for the answers to come, when the time is right. Sending out prayer requests for Pat's white count to come down and of course for the leukemia to .....GO AWAY!
Love and blessings to you all.
xoxo,
Julie

"Please just go away"

"Please just go away." I don't know how many times I repeat that phrase every day in reference to leukemia. I wake up hoping every morning that today will be the day we hear that the leukemia has been wiped out. I am starting to get angry and I don't want to go there. I don't want to step out of my positive energy, but somedays are harder than others. I watch Pat battle and battle this hideous disease and some times I feel like he's a hamster on one of those spinning wheels. This round of chemo will end about 6pm tonight. Please take a moment and pray extra hard around that time...let's send a mega prayer to God, I know he'll hear us and take care of us. Hopefully Pat will get to come home early next week and spend a few days at home before his next round of chemo. Have a great weekend, and many thanks for all your prayers.
Love,
Jules

A Special Day

Twenty four years ago today I walked into the El Torito in Laguna Hills and saw the cutest guy sitting in the bar with a group of friends. I quickly pointed him out to my friend and wasted no time introducing myself to him and inviting him to a party. He reluctantly agreed, of course I didn't give him much choice because I was sitting on his lap. As we were about to head off to the party I think he was having second thoughts and tried hiding out in the bathroom. Silly boy, he didn't realize yet who he was dealing with. I camped myself right outside the men's restroom and waited patiently for him to exit. Well, the rest as they say is history. I reminded Pat today that it was our first meeting "anniversary", and told him I am so glad I walked into that El Torito and he replied "me too." Now with Pat's chemo started, he and I along with our children and all our family and friends wait patiently for the leukemia to exit. And wait we will as long as it takes...be it days, weeks or months. Silly leukemia, it doesn't realize who it's dealing with. Keep praying. Love and good health to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

Short But Sweet

Well friends and family, Pat is back in the "slammer". We went in for what we though would be a quick appointment this morning and were told that Pat needed to be admitted. He picked up some "bug", thus the reason for the fever yesterday. Pat didn't even bat an eye, he just said.."I'll do my time." So we spent the bulk of the day in ETC (an emergency type room) getting IV antibiotics and waiting for them to clean our room on the 5th floor. Chemo was pushed back until tomorrow because of this freaking infection. This afternoon the Dr said she didn't expect him to be out for long anyway, she just didn't tell us that! His immune system is just too vulnerable. Before knowing he was going to be admitted, Pat wanted lasagne for dinner, instead he had tapioca pudding, an orange and gatorade. He hates hospital food, can't say I blame him. I feel like I hardly blinked and I'm at home once again without my best friend..one of his best friends (Dewey) however has his head on my lap. I am so thankful for Pat's will and determination, my love and admiration for him has such a richness that I've never known until now. I believe that is one of cancer's "gifts". I do need to thank everyone for all their inspirational blogs, my Mom made me cry but they were happy tears. To every person who has donated platelets, you're awesome, they are pumping through Pat's veins everyday!!!! Good night I am exhausted and feeling just a little lonely, but tomorrow is another day and I will pull myself up by the boot straps and march on. Please pray for Pat and his healing.
xoxo,
Jules

A Day In the life of The Smiths

I should know by now that we don't get throught a day unchallenged. When Pat woke up this morning I took his temperature like the good nurse that I am and it was 100.9. Anything over 100.5 requires us to call the hospital. So, we did, and of course they said bring him in. Well by the time we got there his fever had subsided, thank goodness, but he needed platelets. Our plan for the day was for Pat to attend Brock's soccer game at LMU at 2:00pm....WE MADE IT!!!!! What a gift it was for Pat to be able to see Brock play. At the end of the game the whole team came to the fence and Brock presented Pat with a LMU jersey autographed by the entire team. Needless to say I was a blubbering baby and Pat was truly touched. A moment to cherish. Pat was also able to see Chloe looking all dolled up for her homecoming dance last night, she was thrilled to have him here,...we have pictures of both of these memories and we will share them with you all on the website later this week. I don't think I've taken a deep breath all week, I am so nervous about making a mistake with Pat's meds or not being able to take care of him in the same capacity as the City of Hope nurses. I am driving him crazy, asking every 5 minutes if he is okay. Tomorrow we start the next round of chemo....please pray for it's success and for Pat to continue to battle like the warrior he is. And I know you all pray for the kids and myself and at this time we really need it, I'm starting to see cracks in our armor. This is a very tough battle, it's time to bring out the big guns. Our love and prayers to all of you.
xoxo,
Jules

Happy to be Home

I can't tell you all how wonderful it is to have Pat back at home. His dogs have not left his side! I think this will be the medicine of all. I did have a momentary break down yesterday when I went to the pharmacy to pick up his meds. They handed me 22 different prescriptions! The pharmacist said that was a new record, what a record to break. Chloe and I spent the evening organizing all his medication into one large weekly pill dispenser, we've got it wired. We were back at City of Hope today for platelets and some hydration, but tomorrow we have the whole day off. I do have to ask, and only because I know I can....I need all our prayer warriors to get busy. Pat's leukemia has not responded yet to this new treatment. Dr. Zain said it may take more than one treatment and she is not yet overly concerned. Maybe I am expecting too much, but I just want my husband to get better....all the way better. I did find peace in my Aunt Mary's blog which said God is seldom early, but he is never late in answering our prayers. I know in the depth of my soul Pat will be cured, and that I must remain faithful and patient.....sometimes it's just so freaking hard. Waking up next to Pat was a gift, for that I am thankful. Good night to all our loved ones and be thankful for your gifts.
Love.
Jules
P.S. Aunt Marcie, you are so welcome for the gift. Thank you for all your prayers and inspiration.

We're Outta Here!!!!!

Last night when my parents picked us up from the airport, I told them I would be praying for some good news today. Well we got it. Pat is going to come home tomorrow for hopefully a couple of weeks and continue his chemo treatment as an outpatient. He is so happy. We still will need to return every other day for blood and platelets...but who cares? Pat will get to sleep at home, eat at home, watch TV at home, hang with his kids and see his four legged kids. With his immune system still so vulnerable we have to ask that he have no visitors yet and no food brought over. His diet will be very limited and the manner his food is prepared is very strict. You know I'd love to have you all cook, but it's just not safe at this time. Chloe and I had such a great weekend, unfortunately LMU didn't fare so well, but it was still great to see Brock. I used to think Chloe was just being a great sport accompanying me on these trips until duh....I caught on, what 17 year-old girl wouldn't want to spend the weekend with 17 hot looking soccer players? To everyone who took time out of their busy lives this weekend to spend time with Pat, a huge THANK YOU!!! Pat said more than once that all his visitors helped make the weekend go by much quicker. It made it so much easier for me also, knowing he was well taken care of. Thanks to Brady for holding down the fort at home and hanging out with Pat. Today I ask for your prayers that Pat's transition to home goes smoothly, that his bone pain subsides, and last but not least REMISSION!!!!! Your prayers along with his never ending strength and will to survive have gotten us this far, we couldn't have done it without each and every one of you. The response to our call for platelet donors continues to amaze us, Pat is very touched by the outpouring of support. Tomorrow night I'll sleep a little more soundly knowing Pat is right where he should be...at home.
Love and appreciation to all those who love and protect our family.
xoxo,
Jules

All's Good

As we move into the weekend Pat is doing well. He has not had many side effects other than some bone pain, which the Dr says is good, because that means the chemo is attacking his bone marrow. Chloe and I are headed to Spokane tonight to cheer on Brock. LMU will be playing Gonzaga tomorrow, then we go to Portland on Saturday to take on University of Portland. To everyone who will be holding down the fort for me while I'm gone a huge THANK YOU!!!! I do have to make it very clear to anyone that would like to visit, if you have even the slightest sniffle please wait until you are better. Pat's counts are extremely low right now because of the chemo, he has no immune system. A cold that you or I can fight off is life threatening for Pat. I will also ask that visitors please feel free to nag Pat about doing his breather, he'll know I'm behind it....but I don't care. He has to do it to keep his lungs clear and avoid pneumonia. The response to platelet donation has been amazing, you guys are awesome! Well it looks like Chloe and I have talked Pat into a walk so I'd better sign off before he changes his mind. A great weekend to all our friends and family, we love you all. Keep on praying!!!!!
xoxo,
Jules

We're On our Way

Last night at 6:00pm Pat started his chemo.....Yeah!!! It will run continuously for 4 days. So far he feels fine, no side effects. He worked out in the group exercise class today and plans on going again tomorrow. I had the opportunity on Sunday night to attend a wedding on Pat's hospital floor. A 19 year old female patient was married in the waiting room on the 5th floor. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress and we all lined up in our mask and gloves and cheered her as she walked down the "aisle" from her hospital room to the waiting room. Just another example of the determination of cancer patients not to allow their disease to control every aspect of their lives. A big THANK YOU to everyone who has signed up to donate or has already donated platelets. I realize it is a big time committment, we are so appreciative. Thanks Dad for getting the info out to all the AHAB employees and for AHAB's offer of transportation. Let us all direct our prayers for Pat to continue his treatment with no side effects and for this chemo to do it's job and knock this leukemia out!! God bless you all.
Love,
Jules

Super Sunday

Pat is feeling great today, relaxing and getting ready to tackle leukemia head on tomorrow. Thank you so much for the wonderful response to donating platelets, I knew we could count on all our amazing friends and family. I have such a positve feeling about Pat's recovery, he has shown such resiliance. As we all know cancer is mean and nasty and has once again reared it's ugly head in another member of our extended family. Dave B.'s (pat's brother in-law) sister Marianne, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She will very soon be having surgery, followed by chemo. Please include her in your prayers for recovery. She along with Pat will prevail by remaining positve and leaning on all those who love and care for them for support. I'll end with some Happy Birthday wishes to Becky, Erin, Beau, Gavin and Nolan! Make it a great day....and here's to a week of wellness and lots of leukemia butt kicking.
xoxo,
Jules

A Way to Help

You have all been so generous with your prayers and good thoughts, for this we are so thankful. Many of you have asked if there is anything you can do to ease our struggle and an oppurtunity has arisen. The Blood Donor Center phoned me today and asked if any friends or family members would be willing to donate platelets for Pat because he is needing transfusions daily. It is not necessary to have the same blood type as Pat in order to donate. If you are interested the phone # for the Donor Center is 626-301-8386. You need to make an apointment and let them know you are donating for Patrick Smith. Pat is feeling fine and is doing his best to be patient while waiting for his treatment to begin. Thank goodness for playoff baseball!!! I guess all we are waiting for is the okey dokey from the insurance to forge ahead. All your blogs are so uplifting and help to keep Pat's eye on the prize. We are such a blessed family to have so many people who love and care for us. Our prayer tonight is for the treatment not only to begin but to be a success, and for Pat's never-ending strength. Love and a good night to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

It's Never Simple

Are you all ready for this?? The trial Pat was supposed to begin has been put on hold due to an amendment in the way it is written. It has nothing to do with Pat it is all political. The people who write these trials obviously don't treat patients. But to backtrack a little....this morning all Pat was told by the nurse was that the chemo had been put on hold, no explanation. Pat and I sat in his room until 4:30pm, in complete silence so anxious and secretly fearing the worse. I don't think either of us took one deep breath the entire day. When the Dr came in she explained about the cancelled trial and told us there is another one that she feels will work just as well. She said we can start as soon as Thursday, and that the cancelled trial should open back up in two weeks if we need it. If you're confused, you are not alone. All I keep repeating to myself is "live by faith, not by sight." Surely our guardian angel (aka Barte) is looking after her son...mothers never stop protecting their children. Other than that everything's great!! The Dr is pleased with Pat's counts, she said he is quite stable, more than I can say for myself. After all that news I fell into Pat's arms and cried, I told him I was so scared. He told me not to worry, he's not going anywhere, he has too much to do. That's my guy, no quit, staying positive and keeping me strong. So there it is...our ride continues. Let's all keep praying, it's the best medicine of all.
Love,
Jules

Things Can Turn on a Dime

All I can say is wow....what a harrowing day we had yesterday. Things seemed to be going along fine, that was until they decided to give Pat an asthma inhaler. We found out the hard way that he has an adverse reaction to albuterol. Instead of it opening up his airways, it constricted them and sent him downhill quickly. He could barely breathe, they had to put him on oxygen, doctors and nurses were flying in and out of his room trying to stabilze him, to say I was freaking out would be an understatment. I stepped outside the room so Pat couldn't see me, had a good cry with his doctors, told them in no uncertain terms to NEVER give up on Pat and then splashed cold water on my face and went back in. The doctors agreed that Pat is tough and even dubbed him "the Energizer Bunny". Two hours later the "bad medicine" wore off, they removed him from the oxygen, his breathing returned to normal and my old Pat was back. Of course I knew he was back when he "jokingly" blamed me for his attack because I had made him get up and walk earler in the day. This ride is definitely a "white knuckler" and I look forward to the day when we can get off!!!! Once again please continue to pray for Pat's never ending strength and endurance, and for the wisdom of the doctors to heal him once and for all. All he looks forward to is coming home...I thinks he's earned it. Love and good health to all our friends and family.
Love,
Jules

So Far So Good

We're still here with not much change, which is okay by us. Pat had a chest x-ray today and Dr O' Donnell said it looked better, definitely not worse...good news. I literally am counting minutes until Tuesday, knowing that every minute that passes and Pat stays strong is one minute closer to treatment. I see how fragile people are in this condition and I'm so thankful Pat has the heart and soul of a fighter. I know I've said it a hundred times but faith is such a strong ally, without it I would be lost. The faith that you all have in Pat amazes and comforts us more than you will ever know. The kids are doing well, they have stepped up to the plate in so many ways, I am so proud of them. I have started my own social circle here at City of Hope (I'm sure you are all shocked!), I go out of my way to meet new people and hear all their stories. My newest friend is Claire, her husband also has ALL. They live in Las Vegas and had to move their three teenage kids here and enroll them in school out here. As I have said before there may only be one person lying in the hospital bed but the whole family has the disease. I really helps to have a support group here at the hospital, it can get rather lonely. As we move towards the weekend let's pray for Pat's continued strength and positive outlook....one day or one minute at a time.
Love you guys,
Jules

Another Curveball

Well they just threw us another curveball. Apparently Pat was given a drug last week that needs a 14 day flush before they can start the clinical trial. That puts our start day at next Tuesday at the earliest. You'd think we'd be shocked or upset but surprisingly we both are relatively calm. We realize there is a reason for everything. Maybe this will give Pat's heart a chance to get even stronger or a multitude of positive changes. You truly learn to expect the unexpected and try to remain on an even keel. Believe me I'm not saying it's easy, it is definitely a learned process. I know we are being looked after by much higher powers and special angels. If it's true that patience is a virtue, than I believe Pat has patience to spare. He is my inspiration and everything in life that is real has been exposed behind the door of room 5135. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Love,
Jules

Let's Go Get It!!!!

Okay we're ready and raring to go!!! Tomorrow Pat will start what we pray will be the last round of chemo before his transplant. In preparation he is at this moment chowing on a corn dog and enjoying a Nascar race. Mentally he is pumped up and wants to get on with it, physically he ain't looking too shabby either. He has started to nag me again about how clean my car is and about how things are going at home...Pat is back!!!! It is great to hear on the blog from people who have gone through similar situations, you do so much to keep our hopes strong, thank you. A special thank you to Brady and Chloe, who at this time have to deal with my roller coaster of emotions when I get home at night. Sometimes fatigue and lonliness tend to get a hold on me and they are a soft place to fall. Brock, because he is away at school isn't witness to all my highs and lows, lucky dog!!! Just kidding, I'm sure it's just as difficult to not be in the thick of things. I want to thank all the AHAB employees for keeping the ship upright and for all you prayers and kind words for Pat, I know it means the world to him...you are his home away from home. Family and friends let's get to praying that this is it, that this is the potion that pushes us forward! LET'S GO GET IT!!!!!!! Love and appreciation to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

Marathon Man

Pat has now been patiently and courageously lying in his hospital bed for 9 weeks and I day. So, after the Dr explained that what his body is going through to fight the leukemia is like us running a marathon everyday I nicknamed him "Marathon Man". Thank God that today he is feeling well, eating much better and he's in great spirits. His regular Doctor is gone for 10 days so we have Dr O'Donnell which may be a blessing in disguise since she is one of the leading doctors in the country on ALL. Pat really likes her, and it looks like she moved the start of his treatment up to this Monday...that is great news, he is more than ready to get a move on as you could imagine. His heart is still only working at 42%, which is a direct result of the chemo and the stress his body is under. The cardiologist is working to get it up to 45%, which is where they'd lke it to be for the transplant. Your prayers are most definitely working, thank you so much. Gotta run, Pat is ready to start his laps!! A great day to all of you.
Love,
Jules

What we know today

Okay here's the news for Tuesday. It looks like we will be able to start the clinical trial one week from next Monday...so basically in two weeks. In the meantime the Dr has stumbled across a drug that she may be able to start tomorrow that has showed some promise in ALL patients. She needs to do a little more research to make sure it won't disrupt our ability to enter the clinical trial, more news on that tomorrow. The great news and the answer to our prayers is that we can receive treatment here. Of course we'd go to the moon if we had to, but I really prayed to keep us local. I didn't want to leave our children while we left for who knows how long, it was scary...Chloe needs her mommy!!!(I'm sure she'd beg to differ) More than that, I need my kids, they keep me focused on the prize....a healthy Pat!!! Here's what's on our prayer requests for today, Pat's strength, his heart to continue to get stronger, wisdom for all the Doctors treating Pat, and continued courage and faith for my children and I. Love, Hope and Faith to all our friends and family.
xoxo,
Jules

Waiting Game

Day 59 and we are still waiting. It looks as though the clinical trial will be pushed back a bit due to complications with a patient already in the trial. Pat is looking and feeling better, the pneumonia seems to be improving. We literally are in a race...trying to keep Pat as healthy as possible until they can knock him back down with the next treatment. The concern is that the leukemia will continue to multiply before we can treat him. We are looking into the possibility of receiving treatment at another hospital and returning to City of Hope for the transplant. Dr. Zain said people travel all the time for treatment. Of course, Pat would rather not travel but he realizes we have to do whatever it takes to get him better and back with his family. He is a trooper, I truly don't know how he does it. I asked Pat what he has learned most from this experience and his response was "patience". He really enjoys hearing from all of you on the blogs. It's the highlight of his day. You never realize how much people care for you until times like these. Isn't that sad? I'm as guilty as the next of not letting people know how much they mean to me. I hope that is something I take away from this whole thing, the wisdom to take the time to make sure my friends and family know how much they are loved. I'll start right now!!! You, my dear friends and family have kept us afloat, your genuine concern for Pat is overwhelming. Thank you, thank you. Pray today for the leukemia to lie quietly and wait for us to beat it's butt. For Pat's strength, and for the Doctors to come up with a plan. Enoy your weekend. Much love.
xoxoxo,
Jules

The Battle Continues

Well, unfortunately we've hit another bump in this seemingly never ending road. Pneumonia has reared it's ugly head again. We are waiting for his bronchoscopy results to see what strain of pneumonia it is so they can treat him with the correct antibiotic. We are planning a trip downstairs and to the outside today...yeah!!! I think it will do Pat good to feel the sun on his face and breathe some fresh air, he hasn't been outside in 57 days. Words cannot describe how proud I am of my husband, he refuses to give in to this disease. I am so often asked where do I get my strength from, of course family and friends have been amazing, but Pat is my rock. Every night before I leave I make him look me in the eye and we repeat the same thing,"we will get through this." Faith, faith and more faith.
Brock is in St. Louis for soccer and Brady and Becky have gone along to support him. I'm glad Brady is getting a break, he has been such a pillar of strength. So it's girls weekend for Chloe and I, we'll visit Pat and maybe sneak in a pedicure. I want to apologize to all of you who call and I haven't returned your calls. Please understand all my energy is focused on keeping Pat strong and my children's lives moving in a somewhat "normal" fashion. I'm not ignoring anyone, it's just so hard to repeat the days happenings over and over. That's why this blog is so great, I can reach all of you. To everyone out there praying for us, please pray for Pat to fight off this pneumonia and to stay mentally strong. We are so grateful to have such a circle of faith, hope and love around us. Until next time...love and good health to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

I'm Baaaack!

Well the big boss is back in town. I truly enjoyed my weekend in New Mexico with Chloe. It was just the shot in the arm I needed to get through the next few weeks. LMU went 1-1, but they beat New Mexico which was huge because they are highly ranked. Brock didn't play as much as he would have liked, but he realizes he's the "new kid on the block" and has to pay his dues. I really missed Pat, but I knew he was in great hands. Thanks to all his visitors, I really appreciate it and I know Pat was probably glad not to have me nagging him.Things seem to be okay right now. Pat has developed a little cough. The Dr. believes it's because he's using his lungs more and the cough is a result of them expanding. They did a chest cat scan today so we'll probably hear more tomorrow. My prayers continue to be for strength to get to the clinical trial. Keeping Pat strong is so important. The days seem to last forever for me, I can only imagine how never-ending they are for him. Pat's watching Monday Night Football right now and resting after his daily work-outs. Your on going prayers are so helpful, please pray for Pat to get over this cough and to have a relatively smooth 11 more days until his next treatment. Love and appreciation to all who have touched our lives and keep us in their thoughts.
xoxo,
Jules

Sister Day!

Today Pat gets the company of his 3 beautiful sisters! Jules you will be very happy to hear that your husband completed 3 laps around floor number 5 and he worked out with the physical therapist. What a day! He looks great and we are having a great time chatting and sipping our Coors Light. He only had one sip Jules...hope that's okay! We are putting the straws under our face masks! (haha) All jokes aside...everything is great in room 5135. Pat says Hello to everyone and good luck to Brock in New Mexico! GO LMU!!!

Love,
Cindy, Sandy, and Maribeth

Staying Strong

Hi to all our wonderful friends and family. Glad you all enjoyed Pat's new picture...a special thanks to the Meany's for that cool hat. Things are actually pretty mellow right now. We are just "patiently" waiting to begin the clinical trial. They are treating Pat with IV antibiotics to make sure he stays infection free, and every couple days he gets blood and platelet transfusions. He works out 2 times a day with the physical therapist and takes 2 laps each day around the unit. Boredom has definitely set in, but sometimes no news is good news. Chloe and I will be flying to New Mexico in the morning to watch Brock play soccer. Brady and Pat's family will be holding down the fort. They'd better not let him slide on his walking, or there will be trouble when I get back! My faith grows stronger everyday that we will dig ourselves out of this. Faith is a wonderful thing. Keep on praying and blogging....you all are our lifeline. Have a great weekend and remember "there is always hope."
Love,
Jules

The Journey Continues

Hope everyone had a great and relaxing labor day weekend. Pat is hanging tough, feeling stronger everyday. Once the chemo leaves his system he is a different person. That chemo is some nasty stuff, it has no mercy, but you gotta do it. I just drove through the gates of our neighborhood for the 48th straight night without my husband. I miss him like crazy. Cancer is taking it's toll on all of us. Pat lies in the bed and fights it with every ounce of his being. At 99 Fairlane we fight it with all we can muster. Some days are just tougher than others. The love and support we get from family and friends is our safety net. Without it I can't imagine where we would be. The little things mean so much to me these days. Chloe holding my hand every morning when I pick up the phone at exactly 8 am to call Pat and see how his night was. All my children are showing so much concern not only for Pat but for my well being. They refuse to leave me at home alone not even for an hour. I am blessed with so much love.....thank you to everyone. We will beat this disease and be that much stronger after the battle. Cancer came knocking on the wrong door.
Love and good health to you all.
xoxoxo,
Jules

The Plan

Okay here's the plan. Dr. Zain has decided not to repeat the last chemo, but to instead place Pat in a clinical trial. Please try not to be alarmed by the term "clinical trial". Every treatment ever used was at one time a clinical trial. We are fortunate that they are in the last phases of this trial, meaning they are to the point where they are seeing results without toxicity. The trial won't begin for 3 weeks, so if Pat can get some heart strength back and cut back on his antibotics he may be able to go home for a few days. At first he wasn't to sure about going home, but now he is very motivated. I believe it may give him that little extra mental push he needs to get through this next "adventure". I know his dogs will be thrilled to see him. They like me, but they worship Pat. Tomorrow is Brock's first soccer game at LMU, I am looking forward to an afternoon of enjoying soccer. Pat will be able to follow the game on his computer. Again, your continued prayers for Pat's recovery are priceless. If you have a moment and are cruising your computer, check out the website www.cureemily.com. Longtime and dear family friends have a precious granddaughter with a very serious condition. The website is so inspiring and uplifting, the world truly is filled with wonderful and caring people. Have a great day and here's to brighter days ahead!!!
Love,
Jules

Ouch

When I said "can they throw us a frickin' bone", I didn't mean hit us in the gut with it. Unfortunately we didn't get great news yesterday. Pat's leukemia is still hanging around. He will have to start another round of chemo on Friday.....he's thrilled. According to his Dr. this chemo needs more than one round to be effective. He also needs to work on building his heart strength back up. Chemo quite often causes some heart damage. He is on meds to remedy this situation and hopefully it will clear up quickly. Our goal now is to keep him positive, get him up and moving out of bed and to try and get him to eat a bit. I have faith and an inner peace that tells me we will conquer this, but the road will be long...very long. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Life continues on, Chloe will be starting school on Tuesday and works at The Golden Spoon, Brock is loving college life and soccer at LMU and Brady is working at the shop and attending Cal State Fullerton. Our kids are our rock, we are so very proud of what great people they have turned out to be. Keep us in your prayers, have faith they will be answered. You are all so important in Pat's recovery, you don't even know what comfort you bring to us. Have a blessed day and be thankful for all you have.
Love,
Jules

Another Day....

I'm baaaack! Sorry it's been a while since my last blog. Our weekend was a bit challenging though. Pat bought himself a ticket to the ICU when his heart rate went up to 200 beats per minute. He has what is called a atrial flutter...why not? we haven't had that yet, bring it on. It was caused by some breathing treatments he was receiving. Of course like always, when faced with a challenge he takes it on and battles through it. They think he'll be move out of ICU sometime tomorrow. Thank goodness, watching a heart monitor for hours at a time was almost enough to put me on a heart monitor. Not to mention that he also has hives and can't stop itching. No news on his remission, hopefully tomorrow. Even after all this he still looks great, and is so ready to get on with the transplant. I pray so much for him to receive a bit of good news...he's earned it. Your blogs are so amazing and inspiring, thank you from the bottom of my heart. We have prayers coming from all over the country...people we've never met have embraced our family, that's our silver lining. I know when we are through this tunnel that we will be of comfort to another family as you have all been to us. Good night and God Bless you all, may tomorrow bring us welcome news. Or in my mom's sake "pleasant news". (inside joke)
Love,
Jules

Hanging In There

Well another day and Pat continues to battle on. He seems to be feeling a little better everyday. The nausea is not as often or severe and he is able to eat a little bit here and there. The plan as of right now is to do a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow to see if there has been any response. We should know by Monday or Tuesday. Our ultimate prayer is for full remission, but any response would be welcome. As I have been putting it, "throw us a frickin' bone!" Pat would love some good news to keep his spirits up and his fight strong. All your comments are so fun and uplifting to read. Mason you are so right, Brady does deserve a big kiss, I'll give hm one when he gets home!!!! All our children are inspired by Pat's courage and positive attitude....and I by theirs. A shout out to my sisters for doing what sisters do...listening to me when I need to vent and when I need to cry. I have made a friend here at the hospital. Her son is 19 and waiting for his 2nd transplant. She is such a gift to me because no one, no matter how much they want to, can understand this journey unless they've been in the center of it. I know I need not ask for your prayers and well wishes but I will. Please pray for remission and brighter days ahead for my best friend and husband,your dad, your uncle, your brother, your son, your son-in-law, your brother in-law, your friend and last but not least the father of my children. We are so blessed to have such a strong circle of support around us....love to you all.
Love,
Julie

A Better Day

What a difference a day makes. Pat is feeling much better today. He was able to eat breakfast and read all his new blogs on the website. And..just when I didn't know if I could face another long day of watching helplessly as Pat continues this fight..you all came to my rescue. I read our blogs and balled like a baby. Mom and Dad, you always have been there for me, and of course now is no different.Pat's family has been such a source of strength. What a blessing it is to have so many people rooting on Pat as well as the kids and I. To all of the employees at AHAB, you are amazing, not many people love their boss the way you love Pat. Please believe me when I say he is truly touched. Right now all we can do is wait and pray. Pray for no more leukemia cells!!!! Thank you doesn't seem adequate, but it's all I have. Have a blessed day.
Love,
Julie

Rough Patch

We've hit a bit of a rough patch the last couple of days. The chemo treatment has made Pat very sick to his stomach. The nurses are doing everything they can to keep him as comfortable as possible, which basically means knocking him out...whatever works. The good news is the treatment is over. Now the long agonizing wait to see if it has done it's job. I hope and pray with every ounce of my being that he his in remission. It sure was great to have Brady do a "guest blog", it's therapeutic to be able to put our feelings to words. Our emotions are on such a rollercoaster...sadness, anger , fear of what we know and fear of the unknown. It would be easy to say why us? but why should it be anyone? No one deserves this. Not Pat, not the 20 something young man across the hall, not the mother whos children school age children sit outside her room and play on the computer to pass the hours. But we all have it and we will deal with it and we will kick it's butt! Thank you for your continued prayers...remission, strength and courage are on our wish list today. I read today, "there would be no majestic mountains without deep valleys", isn't that the truth?
Love,
Julie

One more day...

For a nice change of pace from Jules' award winning writing, I, Brady Smith, am here to fill you in on the happenings in room 5217. We have now completed day four of this five day chemo treatment, and can't help but feel positive that this is pushing my dad closer to a remission. Over the past couple of days he has felt great, and it has been a nice relief to see him enjoy some food and the company of friends and family. We all know that this is a long road that we must travel with him, and we must take each day one at a time. Nobody knows this more than him, and each day is one step closer to remission, and one step closer to the bone marrow transplant. I wish people could see how hard he is fighting this thing without even the smallest of complaints. I am blown away by the courage that he is equipped with and know that even if we hit a couple more speed bumps along the way, he will just blow right over them as if he were driving in the big green machine sports mobile. This man is fighting just go get out of this hospital room so he can get back to doing things that all of us see as so ordinary and mundane. It really puts everything into perspective. All I know is I cannot wait until he kicks this disease and we can continue to enjoy life with all of our family and friends. There is no doubt in my mind that we will get there, we just have to take it one day at a time. Thank you all for your get well cards and messages that you have been leaving on this site. He looks forward to reading them everyday. Most of all, thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts, we can see and feel them working, so keep it up!!

God Bless,
Brady Patrick Smith

Day Three

Pat has just finished day 3 of this round and he's doing great. Right now he's enjoying a turkey sandwich from home and watching the Angel game. If there were not tests to say otherwise you couldn't convince me that this man is battling a serious disease. His strength and perseverance is unstoppable and so inspiring. Last week he was unable to make it from his to bed to the restroom and today he has done 2 laps around his unit, and just informed me he wants to walk some more. The power of prayer, love and the human spirit is immeasurable and we have all of you to thank. Heroes don't just hit home runs and make blockbuster movies.....they walk these halls and the halls of every hospital. Doctors, nurses, family members and most of all the patients who know all to well how precious life truly is. Pray for Pat's continued recovery and remission and treasure your own good health.
Love,
Julie

Wednesday August 15th

Hello again. Pat has started his new medication today. It's a series of five IV treatments. We are praying that this will push him into remission long enough to get him to transplant. Please send your prayers with the hope of remission and strength for Pat as he endures this round. Today was bittersweet for me. Brady and I dropped Brock off at Loyola Marymount so he could embark on the next stage in his life. We are so proud of him and know he'll do everything in his power to keep up his schoolwork and his commitment to the soccer team, all while dealing with Pat's situation. I got a good cry in when we left the school, it felt good. Little diversions here and there are helpful. Thank you to everyone for your comments, Pat looks forward to reading them everyday. Pat just finished his first treatment and is sitting up enjoying a frozen yogurt. At the risk of sounding like a broken record.....thank you to everyone for your prayers and concern for Pat, myself and our children. Here's to a good tomorrow.
Love, Julie

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Hi to all our family and friends. A special thank you to Erin and Travis for creating this website to keep you all better informed. We truly appreciate every one's concern for Pat and our family, sometimes it is just so difficult to talk personally to each and every one of you. The great news is we have a 6 out of 6 match for Pat's transplant....thank you Maribeth. Our goal right now is to get Pat's leukemia into remission so he can go into the transplant as healthy as possible. He will be starting a new round of medication this week and our hopes are this will get it done so we can get the transplant process started. He has started to feel a little stronger and even asked for McDonald's fries and a coke today. The strength and courage Pat has shown make me so proud of the husband, father, brother and son that he is. Our home is not the same without him here right now, but we know we will get through this. Our children have amazed us, their ability to stay so positive has been the source of my strength. I know without the support of Pat's family, my family and all our friends I would have a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, for that I am eternally grateful. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers, they mean the world to us. Remission is our goal!!! Until next time....good health to you and all those you hold dear. Love, Julie

Update

Hi Everyone -

We created this website to keep all our family and friends updated on Pat. We hope that this will be a great way for everyone to stay informed and to show our love, prayers and support for him. You can also leave messages for him to read. Pass on the website address: http://www.updateonpatsmith.blogspot.com/!

Love,

Julie, Brady, Brock and Chloe