I feel like I know you all so well and that I can be totally open and honest with you, so here goes. Today was one of our tougher days. The Doctor informed us that the clinical trial will not be open for at least 3 weeks. She has decided to try another chemo that is actually for brain tumors but has shown some effectiveness in leukemia. If we see no improvement from that she will try a chemo that has worked on Pat in the past. If that doesn't work, the trial should be opened up by then. Her goal is to get at least a 50% reduction in Pat's leukemia blasts and his heart working at least 45% capacity, and she will take him to transplant. After she explained all this she said that possibly down the road Pat may need to decide how long and how aggressively he wanted to be treated. That's where it gets really tough. Pat heard nothing else in the coversation other than that he thinks she said he has two months to live. I assure you she did not say that, but I totally understand his fear. No one wants to face the fact that they are mortal, especially not at 46 years old. She explained that he is actually quite healthy, that no other organ has been affected, and that he is very strong. She made it very clear that they are not giving up. I have never seen such fear in a persons face, my heart was breaking for him. I believe in this man. I believe he needed to hear this so he can be sad for a bit and then get mad as hell and fight back. So....let's pray that Pat becomes even stronger, that his heart has become stronger and that some medication, I don't care which one, knocks out this damn leukemia!!! Enough is enough, now I'm pissed off, and you don't want to mess with me!! The road we are being led down is long and oh so bumpy, I sure look forward to some smooth highway soon. Pray, Pray, Pray.
With lots of love and sincere thanks.
xoxo,
Jules
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Wow.... normally I read your blogs Julie, and respond right away. Tonight, I am at a loss!!! I know that Pat will get through this. I know my Mom would not have appeared by his side last year during chemo and say you will live to 85 years old if she didn't mean it. We will be on our knees in prayer begging God to take this nasty Leukemia away or at least get us to a point to get to transplant. THANK YOU Julie for being such an awesome wife and best friend to Pat - he is so lucky to have you!!! Please know that The Sigler Family is here if The Smith Family needs ANYTHING. Love Always, Maribeth
GET MAD.....
DAMMIT GET MAD AS HELL PAT SMITH.
DON'T YOU EVEN THINK OF ANYTHING BUT GETTING BETTER. I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE DOCTORS LOOK AT YOU WITH "THAT LOOK'.....they gave me that look when Josh was sick 10 years ago. I got pissed and fought and fought.My son is still healthy and strong from that shitty day.. You will beat this....win the mental game Pat. Your mind can heal you. Jules is right (again !!!) Be sad tonight but thats it buddy. Tomorrow morning you will get even with this damn disease. I'm going to have a seriously pissed off conversation with God now...I love you both so much. Pat.....you will beat this !!!!
Love , Terri Hurst
EveryDay.........This too Shall Pass......Fight....Everyday....One day at a time...One hour at a Time....And this too shall pass....We are praying in Corona....YOU WILL BEAT THIS.....And this too shall pass....Hang in there buddy.
Hey Julie- Got home from work a while ago, tried to call you on your cell but, you didn't pick up. RED FLAG! I called home and chatted w/Chloe for a bit before I checked the blog. Shouldn't have done that...should have checked first. Sorry you both had such a ROTTEN day! Cory told me a couple days ago: Mom, God never wants to see us sick or in pain. He was referring to Pat in conversation at the time. He said: "God hears all our prayers right now but, this is on his time...not ours with Pat". He was so clear and choose his words with such care. After we hung up the phone it just put me at ease a little more. It hurts us "all" to see what pain can come from something called cancer. After a day like this.......we just love you all and we are there day and night for you. Sleep well.
Love-Teri
Pat, we have hit the floor for you - on our knees - trusting in God's plan, power, and love for you to carry you through. I hope you can find comfort in His words and promises as you walk through this storm.
"God so loved the world that He gave his only Son - Jesus. Whoever trusts in God's Son will not be lost, but will have life that lasts forever." John 3:16
Trust in God's promise Pat, He never, never goes back on a promise. Never stop praying because He never stops listening. And when you talk with Him, tell Him when you feel afraid and tell Him when you are ticked off! And if you haven't already at some point in your life, tell Him you believe in Him, in His Son. Tell Him you are sorry for any wrong doing you have ever done and that you are thankful for His forgiveness, mercy and grace when you needed it. Tell Him you are thankful for the suffering and death He endured for you. Ask Him to live in your heart always and thank Him for doing so. Tell Him you love Him right back. Then let the overwhelming, calming, undescribable love of God fill you to overflowing. Such peace you will never have known!
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)
Much love and God's Best,
The Martel's
Julie and Pat,
So little to say except that we love you and your family. Pat,Julie, it is ok to be scared and exhausted, give yourself permission but this fight is far from over. You have been and continue to be the strongest family we have ever known. That strength is going to see you through this difficult battle and you will win!
With our continued prayers and All our love,
Bob, Debbi, Jeff, Steve, Scott, Lauren, Dan and Julia
Pat & Jules
That was a tough update to read. I hope you both realize which it sounds like you do that this is only going to make you all stronger. You have so many friends and family praying for you dont let these bumps shake you up. We are all behind you. Pat you are the strongest person I know and you have the backing of the strongest family I know.
Smooth highway is comming...
I believe this with all my heart.
We are praying for you.
KEEP UP THE FIGHT!
The Kimble's
PAT,
DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP!!KEEP ON FIGHTING!! I KNOW YOU CAN GET THRU THIS!! THERE'S ALOT OF PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN YOU. I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR STRENGTH, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FAITH AND ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR FULL RECOVERY. JULIE I ADMIRE YOUR STRENGTH.
VALERIE
I KNOW YOU WILL WHEN THATS ALL HAVE TO SAY ON THAT MATTER !!!!
LOVE ==BRYAN
WE LOVE YOU PAT.
WE WILL NOT STOP PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR RECOVERY.
PLEASE STAY STRONG AND DON'T EVER GIVE UP.
WE NEED YOU BACK HERE AT THE SHOP AND YOUR FAMILY NEEDS YOU BACK AT HOME.
MUCH LOVE
YOUR LOYAL EMPLOYEES
Jeez.... I love you pat! Hang in there bud.
Joe Corrales
Dear Pat and Julie,
You are absorbing alot right now, but you must stay focused and positive. I know it is easy to say that in my shoes, however, along with your Dad and I, so many people love and support you both and you have to soak up all that strength to help you through the more trying aspects of this journey. The encouragement coming your way goes way beyond this blog to a higher power that is well aware of your situation. You will beat this! I truly admire you both and send loads of fortifying love and prayers.
Love, Jo Ann
Dear Pat,
My family and me are praying for you to recover quickly. I know you will be ok. I know the Lord will take care of you and make you whole again and back to normalcy. Thank you for be the perfect boss to me. I can not thank you enough for all you have done for me and family.
Thank you Pat.
We were at a loss for words last night and this morning I said a prayer for you and your family. I wanted to share this with you and
I hope that what I am about to write to you will help you to find that inner strength we all have in us. It is always the darkest before the light - and I can remember when I have been at my lowest points in life, (well, of course nothing like what your going through at this time) I always refer to what my mum would have said - when I wrote to you in the blog that under no circumstances do you ever give up... I think my exact words were "no matter how bad things may seem, Never, Never give up... that was something I learned from my mum and it is just how I was brought up - and from reading what Julie, and your family and friends write. I think your family is the same... you would not have gotten to where you are in life if you didn't have the inner strength. It's that survival in us and we use it in every way that we can. Maybe you just needed to hear it again and maybe you need to hear it again and again... if I may say so, I think you need to sit up straight, take your family into your very being, hold them and tell them you will never give up and that you will continue to fight and with determination - you can do this!
So when all else seems to fail, just lean on the Lord and your family, they will carry you through this.
Lis and Dave
I want to meet Lis - your writings are awesome.
Smith family,
I just want you to know that you all are in my prayers. Pat- keep fighting. You will beat this.
Matt Falk
Pat and Julie- The thing is none of us have stopped checking in on the blog of: YOU! "Patrick Smith", so don't ever feel for a moment that God or us has given up. We can't feel what you feel every day. You've got True Grit no doubt but, now more then ever you've got to dig deeper inside to get the edge on the Leukemia Pat. Reach out to God and ask him every day to take it away from you. He needs to hear it not just from us but from you as well. I hope you do that. The Kimble's are so right on the way they put it. We won't stop our daily prayers for you because we believe in you and him.
Love-Teri
Hi Uncle Pat,
I said 4 prayers today and I told my teacher Mrs. Lausterer that you have Lukemia and she is going to pray for you to. She is really nice. I hope you feel good. Maybe I can come and visit you.
Bye: Blake Sigler 11-7-2007
Hi!
Zac and Luke say Hello to Uncle Pat and Auntie Julie :) Blake is the blogger in the family! We are thinking about you and praying for some good healthy cells!!! We Love You....Maribeth
"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul."
Even the strongest warriors need a break every once in awhile. I say, sit back, try to relax and soak in the love, support, prayers and positivity being sent your way. That includes you too Julie!
Love,
Marianne
Hey Pat hope today is a better day,Your the Man we are all praying for you.
Dave
OKAY PATRICK AND JULIE....THESE PRAYERS ARE WORKING. TODAY IS A GREAT DAY!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GET OUR BOOTIES TO BONE MARROW. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! MIKE HAS AN APPOINTMENT TOMORROW TO GIVE BLOOD AND PLATLETS SO I WILL COME AND VISIT YOU WHILE HE IS GIVING!!! SEE YOU TOMORROW...MARIBETH :)
Hi Pat,
Ya know that breather thing that don't like... well, use it as a weapon against the beast! Breath in the love and prayers we are sending your way, breath out the bad cells, bad thoughts. Breath in
life and love, breath out (HARD) from the bottom of your lungs and blow this leukemia away! "As you breath, so you live; may your breath be full and deep."
Pat & Jules,
Aunt Marcie just called to share the wonderful news, the chemo has started working, the heart was at 52%. God is Good! He is hearing all the prayers,how could He not! You are so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family praying for you. Stay strong,you keep fighting, you are not only going to win this battle, but you will win the war! Jules, you hang in there, you are certainly a might warrior in this battle.
We love you
Blessings and Prayers
Aunt Mary
The Smith family,
I am again so touched by your strength. You guys are amazing. Don't let this knock you to far down. Just get mad and you will find your strength again. I know by reading about you both that it is going to take alot more then this to keep you down! You must remember that there are still miracles happening all over the place and I believe yours will come soon. Pat, I know that you remember Summer and Jeorge Alcala and their beautiful daughter Isabella. Just a couple of months ago Isabella was in a coma and not expected to get better. Her parents were told that she was the sickest child at CHOC and to prepare themselves for what was likely about to happen. Jeorge looked the Doctors in the eyes and told them that he need them to believe in his daughter and the Doctors agreed they would. Fast forward to today and Isabella is going home and her parents and all their family and friends are looking forward to her long life. Keep believing in your healthy happy future Pat I do. Sheri WIllshire
Okay so breathe has e on the end, maybe next time I should preview before I publish! Hope to see you tomorrow.
Love, Jenni Butler
Dear Pat and Julie- Does it mean from posts to this blog that as of today Pat is responding to the Chemo treatments? I hope I'm correct in this. If so, sounds like the bone marrow is around the corner! Keep fighting and praying Pat. We're all doing it on our end. You've got your mind and heart to fight with. Use all you can. Rest when you need to, pray, and keep going with the fight!!! We're here by your side every step-never forget that! Check back on you later friend.
Love-Teri
Pat
My dad was just driving by the P.I.R. in Arizona and he said the RV's are stacking up. He is going this weekend and is wishing you and i were there to. He knows that this race wont compare to the last one we went to in Arizona but he wanted us to know that he will be celebrating for us. (As if there was any question he would be celebrating)
Ape and I will be having a couple Coors lights tonite with you in mind knowing that we all FINALLY got a little good news today!!!
We will keep the prayers going and you keep up the fight!!
The Kimble's
Dear Patrick & Julie, I can finally write a message.. I am soooo happy to finally hear some good news for a change.. I was in class and saw I had a voicemail and my insides panicked.. I listened back with my heart pounding and had the best message ever!! Julie being so excited to tell me that you are responding.. I know you are just going to get better and better. I want you to know that as of today I will be calling you PATRICK for now on because I really think Blake figured it all out... I know all our angels better know you as Patrick instead of Pat.. Love you both, Sista Sandy
Pat and Julie,
We are very happy to hear of the Chemo taking hold and the heart strengthening. Hold strong. We are saying many prayers through the prayer chain that is never broken. God has a mighty plan for you and it's here on earth. Love you both and thinking about you and checking in often to this wonderful blog. Thank you for the postings that allow us to be close to you.
The Marycz Family
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