You Guys are Great!!!

I guess it was pretty obvious by my last couple of blogs that I had hit a rough spot. I was just feeling so helpless, frustrated and overwhelmed..not to mention so lonely without Pat at home. I prayed for God just to carry me for a short while, because I really was stumbling. And guess what...I'm back. Thanks to God and all our wonderful friends and family. Just reading all the blogs and e-mails we receive, I can't help but perk right back up. You people don't realize how strong you keep us. The prayers, the well wishes, the gifts at my doorstep, and the people closest to me that allow me an occassional breakdown.....thank you, thank you. Pat of course barely batted an eye, he just keeps on keeping on. He is the true "Rock". The Dr. is now trying to switch him to a different trial, of course waiting on paperwork. His infection has subsided, his white count is coming back down and he is ready to fight on. Let's pray that this medication will start soon and get us to transplant. One of the gifts of this website is our ability to reach so many people. Tomorrow, Dave B.'s sister, Marianne will be undergoing surgery for breast cancer. Please include her and her doctors in your prayers. She is such a strong person and so positive, I have all the faith in her complete recovery. Thanks again to all of you, count your blessings and continue to "pay it forward." (thanks, Teri.)
xoxo,
Jules

Another Monday

Happy Monday to all our loyal bloggers. I wish I had great news to deliver, but so far Pat's counts have not shown any response to this treatment. To say we are frustrated would be an understatement. Maybe it just needs more time or a stronger dose, I really don't know. I'm sure the Dr's are just as frustrated. Pat is such a great patient, the nurses all love him, he is so easy to take care of. I received St Theresa's prayer today...perfect timing. I am right where I should be, doing exactly what I am supposed to, waiting faithfully. I will take a deep breath and pray for the answers to come, when the time is right. Sending out prayer requests for Pat's white count to come down and of course for the leukemia to .....GO AWAY!
Love and blessings to you all.
xoxo,
Julie

"Please just go away"

"Please just go away." I don't know how many times I repeat that phrase every day in reference to leukemia. I wake up hoping every morning that today will be the day we hear that the leukemia has been wiped out. I am starting to get angry and I don't want to go there. I don't want to step out of my positive energy, but somedays are harder than others. I watch Pat battle and battle this hideous disease and some times I feel like he's a hamster on one of those spinning wheels. This round of chemo will end about 6pm tonight. Please take a moment and pray extra hard around that time...let's send a mega prayer to God, I know he'll hear us and take care of us. Hopefully Pat will get to come home early next week and spend a few days at home before his next round of chemo. Have a great weekend, and many thanks for all your prayers.
Love,
Jules

A Special Day

Twenty four years ago today I walked into the El Torito in Laguna Hills and saw the cutest guy sitting in the bar with a group of friends. I quickly pointed him out to my friend and wasted no time introducing myself to him and inviting him to a party. He reluctantly agreed, of course I didn't give him much choice because I was sitting on his lap. As we were about to head off to the party I think he was having second thoughts and tried hiding out in the bathroom. Silly boy, he didn't realize yet who he was dealing with. I camped myself right outside the men's restroom and waited patiently for him to exit. Well, the rest as they say is history. I reminded Pat today that it was our first meeting "anniversary", and told him I am so glad I walked into that El Torito and he replied "me too." Now with Pat's chemo started, he and I along with our children and all our family and friends wait patiently for the leukemia to exit. And wait we will as long as it takes...be it days, weeks or months. Silly leukemia, it doesn't realize who it's dealing with. Keep praying. Love and good health to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

Short But Sweet

Well friends and family, Pat is back in the "slammer". We went in for what we though would be a quick appointment this morning and were told that Pat needed to be admitted. He picked up some "bug", thus the reason for the fever yesterday. Pat didn't even bat an eye, he just said.."I'll do my time." So we spent the bulk of the day in ETC (an emergency type room) getting IV antibiotics and waiting for them to clean our room on the 5th floor. Chemo was pushed back until tomorrow because of this freaking infection. This afternoon the Dr said she didn't expect him to be out for long anyway, she just didn't tell us that! His immune system is just too vulnerable. Before knowing he was going to be admitted, Pat wanted lasagne for dinner, instead he had tapioca pudding, an orange and gatorade. He hates hospital food, can't say I blame him. I feel like I hardly blinked and I'm at home once again without my best friend..one of his best friends (Dewey) however has his head on my lap. I am so thankful for Pat's will and determination, my love and admiration for him has such a richness that I've never known until now. I believe that is one of cancer's "gifts". I do need to thank everyone for all their inspirational blogs, my Mom made me cry but they were happy tears. To every person who has donated platelets, you're awesome, they are pumping through Pat's veins everyday!!!! Good night I am exhausted and feeling just a little lonely, but tomorrow is another day and I will pull myself up by the boot straps and march on. Please pray for Pat and his healing.
xoxo,
Jules

A Day In the life of The Smiths

I should know by now that we don't get throught a day unchallenged. When Pat woke up this morning I took his temperature like the good nurse that I am and it was 100.9. Anything over 100.5 requires us to call the hospital. So, we did, and of course they said bring him in. Well by the time we got there his fever had subsided, thank goodness, but he needed platelets. Our plan for the day was for Pat to attend Brock's soccer game at LMU at 2:00pm....WE MADE IT!!!!! What a gift it was for Pat to be able to see Brock play. At the end of the game the whole team came to the fence and Brock presented Pat with a LMU jersey autographed by the entire team. Needless to say I was a blubbering baby and Pat was truly touched. A moment to cherish. Pat was also able to see Chloe looking all dolled up for her homecoming dance last night, she was thrilled to have him here,...we have pictures of both of these memories and we will share them with you all on the website later this week. I don't think I've taken a deep breath all week, I am so nervous about making a mistake with Pat's meds or not being able to take care of him in the same capacity as the City of Hope nurses. I am driving him crazy, asking every 5 minutes if he is okay. Tomorrow we start the next round of chemo....please pray for it's success and for Pat to continue to battle like the warrior he is. And I know you all pray for the kids and myself and at this time we really need it, I'm starting to see cracks in our armor. This is a very tough battle, it's time to bring out the big guns. Our love and prayers to all of you.
xoxo,
Jules

Happy to be Home

I can't tell you all how wonderful it is to have Pat back at home. His dogs have not left his side! I think this will be the medicine of all. I did have a momentary break down yesterday when I went to the pharmacy to pick up his meds. They handed me 22 different prescriptions! The pharmacist said that was a new record, what a record to break. Chloe and I spent the evening organizing all his medication into one large weekly pill dispenser, we've got it wired. We were back at City of Hope today for platelets and some hydration, but tomorrow we have the whole day off. I do have to ask, and only because I know I can....I need all our prayer warriors to get busy. Pat's leukemia has not responded yet to this new treatment. Dr. Zain said it may take more than one treatment and she is not yet overly concerned. Maybe I am expecting too much, but I just want my husband to get better....all the way better. I did find peace in my Aunt Mary's blog which said God is seldom early, but he is never late in answering our prayers. I know in the depth of my soul Pat will be cured, and that I must remain faithful and patient.....sometimes it's just so freaking hard. Waking up next to Pat was a gift, for that I am thankful. Good night to all our loved ones and be thankful for your gifts.
Love.
Jules
P.S. Aunt Marcie, you are so welcome for the gift. Thank you for all your prayers and inspiration.

We're Outta Here!!!!!

Last night when my parents picked us up from the airport, I told them I would be praying for some good news today. Well we got it. Pat is going to come home tomorrow for hopefully a couple of weeks and continue his chemo treatment as an outpatient. He is so happy. We still will need to return every other day for blood and platelets...but who cares? Pat will get to sleep at home, eat at home, watch TV at home, hang with his kids and see his four legged kids. With his immune system still so vulnerable we have to ask that he have no visitors yet and no food brought over. His diet will be very limited and the manner his food is prepared is very strict. You know I'd love to have you all cook, but it's just not safe at this time. Chloe and I had such a great weekend, unfortunately LMU didn't fare so well, but it was still great to see Brock. I used to think Chloe was just being a great sport accompanying me on these trips until duh....I caught on, what 17 year-old girl wouldn't want to spend the weekend with 17 hot looking soccer players? To everyone who took time out of their busy lives this weekend to spend time with Pat, a huge THANK YOU!!! Pat said more than once that all his visitors helped make the weekend go by much quicker. It made it so much easier for me also, knowing he was well taken care of. Thanks to Brady for holding down the fort at home and hanging out with Pat. Today I ask for your prayers that Pat's transition to home goes smoothly, that his bone pain subsides, and last but not least REMISSION!!!!! Your prayers along with his never ending strength and will to survive have gotten us this far, we couldn't have done it without each and every one of you. The response to our call for platelet donors continues to amaze us, Pat is very touched by the outpouring of support. Tomorrow night I'll sleep a little more soundly knowing Pat is right where he should be...at home.
Love and appreciation to all those who love and protect our family.
xoxo,
Jules

All's Good

As we move into the weekend Pat is doing well. He has not had many side effects other than some bone pain, which the Dr says is good, because that means the chemo is attacking his bone marrow. Chloe and I are headed to Spokane tonight to cheer on Brock. LMU will be playing Gonzaga tomorrow, then we go to Portland on Saturday to take on University of Portland. To everyone who will be holding down the fort for me while I'm gone a huge THANK YOU!!!! I do have to make it very clear to anyone that would like to visit, if you have even the slightest sniffle please wait until you are better. Pat's counts are extremely low right now because of the chemo, he has no immune system. A cold that you or I can fight off is life threatening for Pat. I will also ask that visitors please feel free to nag Pat about doing his breather, he'll know I'm behind it....but I don't care. He has to do it to keep his lungs clear and avoid pneumonia. The response to platelet donation has been amazing, you guys are awesome! Well it looks like Chloe and I have talked Pat into a walk so I'd better sign off before he changes his mind. A great weekend to all our friends and family, we love you all. Keep on praying!!!!!
xoxo,
Jules

We're On our Way

Last night at 6:00pm Pat started his chemo.....Yeah!!! It will run continuously for 4 days. So far he feels fine, no side effects. He worked out in the group exercise class today and plans on going again tomorrow. I had the opportunity on Sunday night to attend a wedding on Pat's hospital floor. A 19 year old female patient was married in the waiting room on the 5th floor. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress and we all lined up in our mask and gloves and cheered her as she walked down the "aisle" from her hospital room to the waiting room. Just another example of the determination of cancer patients not to allow their disease to control every aspect of their lives. A big THANK YOU to everyone who has signed up to donate or has already donated platelets. I realize it is a big time committment, we are so appreciative. Thanks Dad for getting the info out to all the AHAB employees and for AHAB's offer of transportation. Let us all direct our prayers for Pat to continue his treatment with no side effects and for this chemo to do it's job and knock this leukemia out!! God bless you all.
Love,
Jules

Super Sunday

Pat is feeling great today, relaxing and getting ready to tackle leukemia head on tomorrow. Thank you so much for the wonderful response to donating platelets, I knew we could count on all our amazing friends and family. I have such a positve feeling about Pat's recovery, he has shown such resiliance. As we all know cancer is mean and nasty and has once again reared it's ugly head in another member of our extended family. Dave B.'s (pat's brother in-law) sister Marianne, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She will very soon be having surgery, followed by chemo. Please include her in your prayers for recovery. She along with Pat will prevail by remaining positve and leaning on all those who love and care for them for support. I'll end with some Happy Birthday wishes to Becky, Erin, Beau, Gavin and Nolan! Make it a great day....and here's to a week of wellness and lots of leukemia butt kicking.
xoxo,
Jules

A Way to Help

You have all been so generous with your prayers and good thoughts, for this we are so thankful. Many of you have asked if there is anything you can do to ease our struggle and an oppurtunity has arisen. The Blood Donor Center phoned me today and asked if any friends or family members would be willing to donate platelets for Pat because he is needing transfusions daily. It is not necessary to have the same blood type as Pat in order to donate. If you are interested the phone # for the Donor Center is 626-301-8386. You need to make an apointment and let them know you are donating for Patrick Smith. Pat is feeling fine and is doing his best to be patient while waiting for his treatment to begin. Thank goodness for playoff baseball!!! I guess all we are waiting for is the okey dokey from the insurance to forge ahead. All your blogs are so uplifting and help to keep Pat's eye on the prize. We are such a blessed family to have so many people who love and care for us. Our prayer tonight is for the treatment not only to begin but to be a success, and for Pat's never-ending strength. Love and a good night to you all.
xoxo,
Jules

It's Never Simple

Are you all ready for this?? The trial Pat was supposed to begin has been put on hold due to an amendment in the way it is written. It has nothing to do with Pat it is all political. The people who write these trials obviously don't treat patients. But to backtrack a little....this morning all Pat was told by the nurse was that the chemo had been put on hold, no explanation. Pat and I sat in his room until 4:30pm, in complete silence so anxious and secretly fearing the worse. I don't think either of us took one deep breath the entire day. When the Dr came in she explained about the cancelled trial and told us there is another one that she feels will work just as well. She said we can start as soon as Thursday, and that the cancelled trial should open back up in two weeks if we need it. If you're confused, you are not alone. All I keep repeating to myself is "live by faith, not by sight." Surely our guardian angel (aka Barte) is looking after her son...mothers never stop protecting their children. Other than that everything's great!! The Dr is pleased with Pat's counts, she said he is quite stable, more than I can say for myself. After all that news I fell into Pat's arms and cried, I told him I was so scared. He told me not to worry, he's not going anywhere, he has too much to do. That's my guy, no quit, staying positive and keeping me strong. So there it is...our ride continues. Let's all keep praying, it's the best medicine of all.
Love,
Jules